Pint of no return

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This fresh brew by Beausoleil (U β€’ C β€’ T)  is being reviewed by a volunteer editor. Edits are visible in the page history, and feedback to be addressed will be on the talk page (you can tell the author how great it is there, too).

Last edit: 33 days ago by Beausoleil — History

Artifacts of Godville
Pint of no return
Pint bottle with cap.jpg
Type Normal
Description Delicious brew that can overtake your life
Value To some, priceless (to others, 30 - 60 gold coins)

The Pint of no return is an artifact in Godville that reminds one of the old saying, "Be careful what you wish for -- you just may get it."[1]

The pint of no return is a bottle of delicious and intoxicating beverage that will entice even the most temperate heroine. It seems, upon first inspection, like any other bottle of liquid refreshment. However, any closer inspection or attempt to consume its contents can have deleterious effects on a heroine.


Removal of the cap with unleash an enticing scent that compels the smeller to have a small sip.[2] The deliciousness of this sip is overwhelming, and only those with the stoutest of constitutions can resist chugging the remains of the pint in one giant gulp.[3] The consuming heroine is now compelled to spend the rest of her days seeking out greater and greater quantities[4] of this beverage, forsaking adventuring, family, friends, pets, and even the consumption of mere beer.[5]

This is the only known picture of the inside of a pint of no return


  • This artifact's nefarious manufacturers have resisted persistent pressure to "go metric", insisting that a 0.473176 Liter of No Return was a terrible name.
  • In spite of how intoxicated the drinker becomes, she will never vomit it up.[6]
  • It is theorized by top Godville addiction specialists that widespread consumption of the pint of no return may explain the large number of heroes and heroines in Godville that seem to have lost their connection with their deity.

Instructions for use

On the whole, you'd be better off not using it. Just sell it off and let the traders worry about it. If you are thinking about using it, please read the "Effects" section above.


  1. ↑ according to W. W. Jacobs' monkey's paw
  2. ↑ Many have argued that this is the point of no return regarding the pint of no return
  3. ↑ This has got to be past the point of no return of the pint of no return, right?
  4. ↑ The fabled Quart and Gallon of No Return
  5. ↑ If this isn't past the point of no return of the pint of no return, I don't know what is
  6. ↑ Because of the whole "no return" thing
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