Difference between revisions of "Beerburglar"

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The Beerburglar. like its cousin the [[Heroes|Common {{Hero or Heroine}}]] is a humanoid being. It has a slightly short stature with averages heights of 170 cm in the male variety and 150 cm in the female variety, which gives it some feelings of insecurity. <ref name="height">Reality Show Host. (1303 g.e.). "How Tall Are These Monsters? Lets Find Out." [[Godville Times]] TV </ref> It has hair on its head, eyebrows, a nose and a mouth. Two ears, two eyes, two feet, two toes and oftener than not, really sore knees.  It is in other words, indistinguishable from any {{hero or heroine}}, at least on the basis of a first glance. Beerburglars almost always appear heavily laden with flasks, but again that is no clear sign and could easily be a {{hero or heroine}}. It is then, only on behaviour and alimentation that Beerburglars can be identified.  
 
The Beerburglar. like its cousin the [[Heroes|Common {{Hero or Heroine}}]] is a humanoid being. It has a slightly short stature with averages heights of 170 cm in the male variety and 150 cm in the female variety, which gives it some feelings of insecurity. <ref name="height">Reality Show Host. (1303 g.e.). "How Tall Are These Monsters? Lets Find Out." [[Godville Times]] TV </ref> It has hair on its head, eyebrows, a nose and a mouth. Two ears, two eyes, two feet, two toes and oftener than not, really sore knees.  It is in other words, indistinguishable from any {{hero or heroine}}, at least on the basis of a first glance. Beerburglars almost always appear heavily laden with flasks, but again that is no clear sign and could easily be a {{hero or heroine}}. It is then, only on behaviour and alimentation that Beerburglars can be identified.  
  
The easiest indicator that a humanoid creature is possibly a Beerburglar is if it is pointing something that appears to be not sharp enough to slice, but enough to hack and confer tetanus, and demanding all your booze. Thus, even if this is not a Beerburglar it certainly is a beer burglar. A second way to identify the Beerburglar is by very close observation over a period of time. For, while it is commonly believed that {{heroes or heroines}} consume nothing but copious amounts of alcohol, it is not actually true. A true Beerburglar does consume nothing but copious amounts of alcohol and somehow still survives. Its secret exists in its second liver-like organ, which appears to, besides stopping alcohol poisoning, to be able to extract all necessary nutrients for the survival of the Beerburglar, even some that were not present in the alcohol in the first place. How this process takes place is unknown, but it is due to this that if a humanoid {{hero or heroine}} looking creature is found to truly consume nothing at all besides alcohol, they can be identified as a Beerburglar. Of course, this information is only necessary if the Beerburglar does not self-identify, and the reader need not memorize it, as Beerburglars as prone to doing just so. The true easiest identifier of a Beerburglar is it yelling "I'm a Beerburglar. Rraaaaaagh!"  
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Though it is true that in physical appearance, Beerburglars are practically indistinguishable from  {{heroes or heroines}}, they can still be identified from their behavioral patterns.
 +
 
 +
The first of this indicators being if the [[monster]] is pointing something at you that appears to be not sharp enough to slice, but enough to hack and confer tetanus, and demanding all your booze. Thus, even if this is not a Beerburglar it certainly is a beer burglar and you can be certain of having lighter travels after that.  
 +
 
 +
Another indicator requires more intense scrutiny, for while it is believed that {{heroes or heroines}} consume only copious amounts of alcohol and nothing else, this statement actually holds true for Beerburglar's. While {{heroes or heroines}} need actual sustenance, due to the Beerburglar's extra organ, it is also able to extract all necessary nutrients from it's alcohol, even the ones not present in the booze beforehand. If after prolonged observations, you see a being that seems to be a Beerburglar consume no non-alcoholic foods, you be pretty sure that it is a Beerburglar after all.  
 +
 
 +
Lastly, the easiest identifier of a Beerburglar is it yelling "I'm a Beerburglar. Rraaaaaagh!"  
  
 
Where do these mysterious creatures come from? That is a pretty good question, and if you really want to know, go out into the field and find out yourself. From the relative safety of a laboratory with the comfortingly nonviolent presence of a deceased Beerburglar, [[Healiopolis|Healiopolis's]] leading minds have come up with the following theories:
 
Where do these mysterious creatures come from? That is a pretty good question, and if you really want to know, go out into the field and find out yourself. From the relative safety of a laboratory with the comfortingly nonviolent presence of a deceased Beerburglar, [[Healiopolis|Healiopolis's]] leading minds have come up with the following theories:
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=== Hero Transformation Theory ===
 
=== Hero Transformation Theory ===
  
This theory suggests that Beerburglars are not truly a separate and distinct subspecies of the [[Heroes|Common {{Hero or Heroine}}]] but actually a corrupted and godless version. This most prevalent of theories regarding the origin of a Beerburglar suggests that Beerburglars were once like any other innocent {{hero or heroine}}, content in bashing in [[monster]] brains, stealing their [[gold]] and [[artifacts]], returning to [[town]] and getting their booze the honest way; with the [[gold]] scavenged from the corpses of their dead foes. The Beerburglar, by some variable that has not yet been isolated, veered to a new path and cut out the middleman. It would instead ignore the cries of its {{god or goddess}} that called it to complete [[quests]] and gain glory by killing enemies, and instead take its beer by thievery. Turning away from their god like this, Beerburglars ent
+
This theory suggests that Beerburglars are not truly a separate and distinct subspecies of the [[Heroes|Common {{Hero or Heroine}}]] but actually a corrupted and godless version. This most prevalent of theories regarding the origin of a Beerburglar suggests that Beerburglars were once like any other innocent {{hero or heroine}}, content in bashing in [[monster]] brains, stealing their [[gold]] and [[artifacts]], returning to [[town]] and getting their booze the honest way; with the [[gold]] scavenged from the corpses of their dead foes. The Beerburglar, by some variable that has not yet been isolated, veered to a new path and cut out the middleman. It would instead ignore the cries of its {{god or goddess}} that called it to complete [[quests]] and gain glory by killing enemies, and instead take its beer by thievery. Turning away from their god like this, Beerburglars undergo a mutation brought on by moral degeneration. The lack of benign influence, causes the cells to follow the lead of their master and decide that they too, can do whatever they want, and so they go wild, growing an extra liver so as to welcome more alcohol and going on vacation to the brain, where they cause havoc and instill desires to rob and steal even more as well as to keep the alcohol coming.
 
 
 
 
You might organize some information into lists:
 
* How to recognize this monster
 
* Tips for battling this monster
 
* Other distinguishing features
 
  
Whatever you think will be interesting and helpful to other gods, that's what you should include in your article.
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=== Vengeful God Theory ===
  
An Attributes section can be a good way to wrap up a monster article. It usually has two subsections: a list of Strengths, then a list of Weaknesses.
+
This theory, the more popular among a certain type of intellectuals, places the blame not on the creature itself, but squarely among with the heavens. It states that the Beergurlars are simply the results of another failed attempt to get {{heroes or heroines}} out of the [[tavern]] and onto the road again, seeking more glory. The supposed plan was to take all the booze by force, with the aid of a new minion: the Beerburglar. Taking the basic model of the [[{{hero or heroine}}]], the [[{{gods or goddesses}}]] decided to create one that would be able to take all the alcohol from [[Godville]] and down it in one go. This theory supposes that the [[{{gods or goddesses}}]] never took into account that more beer could be produced and so their plan failed.
  
 
== Attributes ==
 
== Attributes ==

Revision as of 00:23, 8 January 2019


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Monsters of Godville
Beerburglar
Menagerie.png
Class Humanoid
Habitat Outskirts of towns and settlements
Description Short and sozzled

The Beerburglar (Homo Heros Vocatus) is a humanoid monster, a subspecies of the Common Heroine. Though there is not much outward distinction between the Common Heroine (Homo Heros) and the Beerburglar, it was granted subspecies status due to large differences present in brain structure and overall nervous system[1] and an extra organ present in the Beerburgler that seems to function as an overflow liver [1].The common name Beerburgler was coined in the 2000 g.e. Criminal Affairs Public Report issued by the Godville Secret Police[2] where it was noted that along with the Beer Mugger, a close biological relative of the Beerburglar, an estimated 60% of alcohol related robberies and thefts could be traced back to those two monsters.

Appearance, Identification, and Origin

The Beerburglar. like its cousin the Common Heroine is a humanoid being. It has a slightly short stature with averages heights of 170 cm in the male variety and 150 cm in the female variety, which gives it some feelings of insecurity. [3] It has hair on its head, eyebrows, a nose and a mouth. Two ears, two eyes, two feet, two toes and oftener than not, really sore knees. It is in other words, indistinguishable from any heroine, at least on the basis of a first glance. Beerburglars almost always appear heavily laden with flasks, but again that is no clear sign and could easily be a heroine. It is then, only on behaviour and alimentation that Beerburglars can be identified.

Though it is true that in physical appearance, Beerburglars are practically indistinguishable from heroines, they can still be identified from their behavioral patterns.

The first of this indicators being if the monster is pointing something at you that appears to be not sharp enough to slice, but enough to hack and confer tetanus, and demanding all your booze. Thus, even if this is not a Beerburglar it certainly is a beer burglar and you can be certain of having lighter travels after that.

Another indicator requires more intense scrutiny, for while it is believed that heroines consume only copious amounts of alcohol and nothing else, this statement actually holds true for Beerburglar's. While heroines need actual sustenance, due to the Beerburglar's extra organ, it is also able to extract all necessary nutrients from it's alcohol, even the ones not present in the booze beforehand. If after prolonged observations, you see a being that seems to be a Beerburglar consume no non-alcoholic foods, you be pretty sure that it is a Beerburglar after all.

Lastly, the easiest identifier of a Beerburglar is it yelling "I'm a Beerburglar. Rraaaaaagh!"

Where do these mysterious creatures come from? That is a pretty good question, and if you really want to know, go out into the field and find out yourself. From the relative safety of a laboratory with the comfortingly nonviolent presence of a deceased Beerburglar, Healiopolis's leading minds have come up with the following theories:

Hero Transformation Theory

This theory suggests that Beerburglars are not truly a separate and distinct subspecies of the Common Heroine but actually a corrupted and godless version. This most prevalent of theories regarding the origin of a Beerburglar suggests that Beerburglars were once like any other innocent heroine, content in bashing in monster brains, stealing their gold and artifacts, returning to town and getting their booze the honest way; with the gold scavenged from the corpses of their dead foes. The Beerburglar, by some variable that has not yet been isolated, veered to a new path and cut out the middleman. It would instead ignore the cries of its goddess that called it to complete quests and gain glory by killing enemies, and instead take its beer by thievery. Turning away from their god like this, Beerburglars undergo a mutation brought on by moral degeneration. The lack of benign influence, causes the cells to follow the lead of their master and decide that they too, can do whatever they want, and so they go wild, growing an extra liver so as to welcome more alcohol and going on vacation to the brain, where they cause havoc and instill desires to rob and steal even more as well as to keep the alcohol coming.

Vengeful God Theory

This theory, the more popular among a certain type of intellectuals, places the blame not on the creature itself, but squarely among with the heavens. It states that the Beergurlars are simply the results of another failed attempt to get heroines out of the tavern and onto the road again, seeking more glory. The supposed plan was to take all the booze by force, with the aid of a new minion: the Beerburglar. Taking the basic model of the heroine, the goddesses decided to create one that would be able to take all the alcohol from Godville and down it in one go. This theory supposes that the goddesses never took into account that more beer could be produced and so their plan failed.

Attributes

Strengths

  • Strength
  • Strength
  • Strength

Weaknesses

  • Weakness
  • Weakness
  • Weakness

References

  1. 1.0 1.1 Mad Scientist (1345 g.e.). The Common Hero and Subsets Thereof. Society for the Protection of the Monster
  2. Jane Smith, Chief Analyst of the Godville Secret Police (2000 g.e.). "Criminal Affairs Public Report". Godville Secret Police
  3. Reality Show Host. (1303 g.e.). "How Tall Are These Monsters? Lets Find Out." Godville Times TV
JanuWiki 2019
Monsters
Lagers Ale-chemist 🍻 Barbeerian 🍻 Beer Cub 🍻 Beer Golem 🍻 Beer Mugger 🍻 Beerburglar 🍻 Beerkat 🍻 Beerserker 🍻 Beerwolf 🍻 Boartender 🍻 Brewpid the Reindeer 🍻 Diet Sprite 🍻 Drinkerella 🍻 Extra Dry Djinn 🍻 Methylated Spiritualist 🍻 Red Bull 🍻 Tea Rex 🍻 Tequila Mockingbird
Tigers Basement Cat 🐱 Bureau-cat 🐱 Fat Cat 🐱 Meowntain Cat 🐱 Neferkitty 🐱 Photocopycat 🐱 Punk Panther 🐱 Weakest Lynx
Bears Bear Minimum
Oh My! Adminotaur 🏋️ Boozerker 🏋️ Godbuster 🏋️ Thug-of-war 🏋️ Wraptor
Other Articles
Artifacts Bar tab 🍻 Beer-battered beer 🍻 Beer-scented soap 🍻 Bottle of beer from a wall 🍻 Bottle of domesticated beer 🍻 Bottle of holy ale 🍻 Can of ambrosia 🍻 Exclamation pint 🍻 “Free beer” ticket 🍻 Instant beer tablet 🍻 Pint of no return 🍻 Strange brew 🍻 Vanishing pint
Equipment Ancient cork 🍻 Awkward paws 🍻 Bear arms 🍻 Beer goggles
Quests Brew a storm in a teacup 🍻 Sit in a tavern and write fake diary entries
Skills Beer belly 🍻 Lion belch
Taverns All Inn 🍻 The Battle Toad 🍻 Caravanserai 🍻 Progress Bar 🍻 The Rumor Mill 🍻 The Sword & Sandal 🍻 The Whinery