Beer Mugger

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Last edit: 268 days ago by Beausoleil — History


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Pets of Godville
Beer Mugger
Grassator cervisiarius
Class Illegal Acquirer / Cerevisaphile
Habitat Outside of taverns, bars, and other places where beers is sold
Description The broken and battered body of a failed adventurer in the clothes of a lurking thug
Boss Type Unknown

The Beer Mugger (Grassator cervisiarius) is a monster known primarily by robbing unsuspecting (and, often, inebriated) citizens of their valuable barley-and-hops-based beverages. It is speculated that Beer Muggers are actually the remains of particularly inept and failed heroes. The many beatings they would receive at the hands of other monsters left them disfigured and unrecognizable, and their failure to acquire gold coins left them utterly without beer. Thus, they abandoned adventuring for a life of crime.


Beer muggers' primary motivation is to acquire beer through illegal means. They are particularly drawn to heroes and heroines, motivated both by the knowledge that heroes and beer are rarely far apart and buy their deep jealousy of anyone who has had success in adventuring and heroism. Godville University monsterologists hold two competing theories as to how the Beer Mugger locates its prey. The "Pong" school of thought maintains that the Beer Mugger can detect the scent of even small quantities of beer on the breath or clothing of heroes and heroines (but, if we're being honest, the quantities are rarely small). The "Threads" school of thought espouses the theory that Beer Muggers have learned over many years of experience that heroes and heroines, the most desirable targets, can be easily identified by the unusual attire worn by the adventuring classes. Beer Muggers will approach their targets, often in a darkened alley and wearing a long coat or balaclava, and demand a case of beer. As their victims also tend to be cerevisaphiles, the result is a winner-take-all-beer battle to the death. Following a successful mugging, the Beer Mugger will hastily drink down its prize, cry while looking at pictures of ex-lovers, then pass out on the sidewalk, only to rise again. hung over, the next morning to begin the hunt again.

Anti Beer Mugger Tactics

The easiest way to defeat a Beer Mugger is to pretend to acquiesce to its demands, then kill it while it guzzles down the beer. This strategy is, however, only a theoretical one, as no hero has been found thus far who has been willing to surrender any beer without a fight. Some have successfully evaded the Beer Mugger's complex sensory system by dousing themselves in chardonnay, while others have had success by shouting, "Hey, behind you -- a bachelor party". By far, the most common tactic is to repeatedly thrash the Beer Mugger with a weapon and hope for the best. This has been the preferred method in 97.46% of all fights with Beer Muggers[1] in which no divine lightning strikes occurred.



  • Powerful sensory powers
  • Utter contempt for successful adventurers fuels rage fighting
  • Blind-drunk damage resistance


  • Their jealousy masks feelings of deep inadequacy
  • Easily distracted by the possibility of easily acquired beer
  • Blind-drunk coordination impairment


  1. ↑ It is important to keep in mind that 87% of all statistics are made up.

JanuWiki 2019
Lagers Ale-chemist πŸ» Barbeerian πŸ» Beer Cub πŸ» Beer Golem πŸ» Beer Mugger πŸ» Beerburglar πŸ» Beerkat πŸ» Beerserker πŸ» Beerwolf πŸ» Boartender πŸ» Brewpid the Reindeer πŸ» Diet Sprite πŸ» Drinkerella πŸ» Extra Dry Djinn πŸ» Methylated Spiritualist πŸ» Red Bull πŸ» Tea Rex πŸ» Tequila Mockingbird
Tigers Basement Cat πŸ± Bureau-cat πŸ± Fat Cat πŸ± Meowntain Cat πŸ± Neferkitty πŸ± Photocopycat πŸ± Punk Panther πŸ± Weakest Lynx
Bears Bear Minimum πŸ» Drop Bear
Oh My! Adminotaur πŸ‹οΈ Boozerker πŸ‹οΈ Godbuster πŸ‹οΈ Thug-of-war πŸ‹οΈ Wraptor
Other Articles
Artifacts Bar tab πŸ» Beer-battered beer πŸ» Beer-scented soap πŸ» Bottle of beer from a wall πŸ» Bottle of domesticated beer πŸ» Bottle of holy ale πŸ» Can of ambrosia πŸ» Exclamation pint πŸ» β€œFree beer” ticket πŸ» Instant beer tablet πŸ» Pint of no return πŸ» Strange brew πŸ» Vanishing pint
Equipment Ancient cork πŸ» Awkward paws πŸ» Bear arms πŸ» Beer goggles
Quests Brew a storm in a teacup πŸ» Sit in a tavern and write fake diary entries
Skills Beer belly πŸ» Lion belch
Taverns All Inn πŸ» The Battle Toad πŸ» Caravanserai πŸ» Progress Bar πŸ» The Rumor Mill πŸ» The Sword & Sandal πŸ» The Whinery