Beer Mugger
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This fresh brew by Beausoleil (U • C • T) is being reviewed by a volunteer editor. Edits are visible in the page history, and feedback to be addressed will be on the talk page (you can tell the author how great it is there, too). Last edit: 43 days ago by Beausoleil — History |
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| Beer Mugger | |
|---|---|
| Grassator cervisiarius | |
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| Class | Illegal Acquirer / Cerevisaphile |
| Habitat | Outside of taverns, bars, and other places where beers is sold |
| Description | The broken and battered body of a failed adventurer in the clothes of a lurking thug |
| Boss | |
| Boss Type | Unknown |
| Pet | |
The Beer Mugger (Grassator cervisiarius) is a monster known primarily by robbing unsuspecting (and, often, inebriated) citizens of their valuable barley-and-hops-based beverages. It is speculated that Beer Muggers are actually the remains of particularly inept and failed heroes. The many beatings they would receive at the hands of other monsters left them disfigured and unrecognizable, and their failure to acquire gold coins left them utterly without beer. Thus, they abandoned adventuring for a life of crime.
Contents
Behavior
Beer muggers' primary motivation is to acquire beer through illegal means. They are particularly drawn to heroes and heroines, motivated both by the knowledge that heroes and beer are rarely far apart and buy their deep jealousy of anyone who has had success in adventuring and heroism. Godville University monsterologists hold two competing theories as to how the Beer Mugger locates its prey. The "Pong" school of thought maintains that the Beer Mugger can detect the scent of even small quantities of beer on the breath or clothing of heroes and heroines (but, if we're being honest, the quantities are rarely small). The "Threads" school of thought espouses the theory that Beer Muggers have learned over many years of experience that heroes and heroines, the most desirable targets, can be easily identified by the unusual attire worn by the adventuring classes. Beer Muggers will approach their targets, often in a darkened alley and wearing a long coat or balaclava, and demand a case of beer. As their victims also tend to be cerevisaphiles, the result is a winner-take-all-beer battle to the death. Following a successful mugging, the Beer Mugger will hastily drink down its prize, cry while looking at pictures of ex-lovers, then pass out on the sidewalk, only to rise again. hung over, the next morning to begin the hunt again.
Anti Beer Mugger Tactics
The easiest way to defeat a Beer Mugger is to pretend to acquiesce to its demands, then kill it while it guzzles down the beer. This strategy is, however, only a theoretical one, as no hero has been found thus far who has been willing to surrender any beer without a fight. Some have successfully evaded the Beer Mugger's complex sensory system by dousing themselves in chardonnay, while others have had success by shouting, "Hey, behind you -- a bachelor party". By far, the most common tactic is to repeatedly thrash the Beer Mugger with a weapon and hope for the best. This has been the preferred method in 97.46% of all fights with Beer Muggers[1] in which no divine lightning strikes occurred.
Attributes
Strengths
- Powerful sensory powers
- Utter contempt for successful adventurers fuels rage fighting
- Blind-drunk damage resistance
Weaknesses
- Their jealousy masks feelings of deep inadequacy
- Easily distracted by the possibility of easily acquired beer
- Blind-drunk coordination impairment
References
- ↑ It is important to keep in mind that 87% of all statistics are made up.
