Difference between revisions of "Beer Mugger"

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| latin =  Grassator cervisiarius
 
| latin =  Grassator cervisiarius
 
| class = Illegal Acquirer / Cerevisaphile
 
| class = Illegal Acquirer / Cerevisaphile
| habitat =  Outside of taverns, bars, and other places where beers is sold
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| habitat =  Outside of taverns, bars, and other places where beer is sold
 
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Latest revision as of 17:31, 1 February 2019

Monsters of Godville
Beer Mugger
Grassator cervisiarius
Beer_mugger.jpeg
Class Illegal Acquirer / Cerevisaphile
Habitat Outside of taverns, bars, and other places where beer is sold
Description The broken and battered body of a failed adventurer in the clothes of a lurking thug

The Beer Mugger (Grassator cervisiarius) is a monster known primarily for robbing unsuspecting (and, often, inebriated) citizens of their valuable barley-and-hops-based beverages. It is speculated that Beer Muggers are actually particularly inept and failed heroes, albeit ones that have managed not to become feral. The many beatings they would receive at the hands of monsters left them disfigured and unrecognizable, and their failure to acquire gold coins left them utterly without beer. Thus, they abandoned adventuring for a life of crime.

Behavior

Beer muggers' primary motivation is to acquire beer through illegal means. They are particularly drawn to heroes and heroines, motivated both by the knowledge that heroines and beer are rarely far apart and by their deep jealousy of anyone who has had success in adventuring and heroism. Godville University monsterologists hold two competing theories as to how the Beer Mugger locates its prey. The "Pong" school of thought maintains that the Beer Mugger can detect the scent of even small quantities of beer on the breath or clothing of heroes and heroines[1]. The "Threads" school of thought espouses the theory that Beer Muggers have learned over many years of experience that heroes and heroines, the most desirable targets, can be easily identified by the unusual attire worn by the adventuring classes. Beer Muggers will approach their targets, often in a darkened alley and wearing a long coat or balaclava, and demand a case of beer. As their victims also tend to be cerevisaphiles, the result is a winner-take-all-beer battle to the death. Following a successful mugging, the Beer Mugger will hastily drink down its prize, cry while looking at pictures of ex-lovers, then pass out on the sidewalk, only to rise again, hung over, the next morning to begin the hunt again.

Anti Beer Mugger Tactics

The easiest way to defeat a Beer Mugger is to pretend to acquiesce to its demands, then kill it while it guzzles down the beer. This strategy is, however, only a theoretical one, as no heroine has been found thus far who has been willing to surrender any beer without a fight. Some have successfully evaded the Beer Mugger's complex sensory system by dousing themselves in chardonnay, while others have had success by shouting, "Hey, behind you -- a bachelor party". By far, the most common tactic is to repeatedly thrash the Beer Mugger with a weapon and hope for the best. This has been the preferred method in 97.46% of all fights with Beer Muggers[2] in which no divine lightning strikes occurred.

Attributes

Strengths

  • Powerful sensory powers
  • Utter contempt for successful adventurers fuels rage fighting
  • Blind-drunk damage resistance

Weaknesses

  • Their jealousy masks feelings of deep inadequacy
  • Easily distracted by the possibility of easily acquired beer
  • Blind-drunk coordination impairment

References

  1. "...but, if we're being honest, the quantities are rarely small", Prof. M. Rowntree, Godv. U.
  2. It is important to keep in mind that 87% of all statistics are made up.
JanuWiki 2019
Monsters
Lagers Ale-chemist 🍻 Barbeerian 🍻 Beer Cub 🍻 Beer Golem 🍻 Beer Mugger 🍻 Beerburglar 🍻 Beerkat 🍻 Beerserker 🍻 Beerwolf 🍻 Boartender 🍻 Brewpid the Reindeer 🍻 Diet Sprite 🍻 Drinkerella 🍻 Extra Dry Djinn 🍻 Methylated Spiritualist 🍻 Red Bull 🍻 Tea Rex 🍻 Tequila Mockingbird
Tigers Basement Cat 🐱 Bureau-cat 🐱 Fat Cat 🐱 Meowntain Cat 🐱 Neferkitty 🐱 Photocopycat 🐱 Punk Panther 🐱 Weakest Lynx
Bears Bear Minimum
Oh My! Adminotaur 🏋️ Boozerker 🏋️ Godbuster 🏋️ Thug-of-war 🏋️ Wraptor
Other Articles
Artifacts Bar tab 🍻 Beer-battered beer 🍻 Beer-scented soap 🍻 Bottle of beer from a wall 🍻 Bottle of domesticated beer 🍻 Bottle of holy ale 🍻 Can of ambrosia 🍻 Exclamation pint 🍻 “Free beer” ticket 🍻 Instant beer tablet 🍻 Pint of no return 🍻 Strange brew 🍻 Vanishing pint
Equipment Ancient cork 🍻 Awkward paws 🍻 Bear arms 🍻 Beer goggles
Quests Brew a storm in a teacup 🍻 Sit in a tavern and write fake diary entries
Skills Beer belly 🍻 Lion belch
Taverns All Inn 🍻 The Battle Toad 🍻 Caravanserai 🍻 Progress Bar 🍻 The Rumor Mill 🍻 The Sword & Sandal 🍻 The Whinery