Difference between revisions of "Beer Mugger"

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Revision as of 20:18, 5 January 2019


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JanuWiki: Under Review 🍺

This fresh brew by Beausoleil (U β€’ C β€’ T)  is being reviewed by a volunteer editor. Edits are visible in the page history, and feedback to be addressed will be on the talk page (you can tell the author how great it is there, too).

Last edit: 42 days ago by Beausoleil — History

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Monsters of Godville
Beer Mugger
Grassator cervisiarius
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Class Illegal Acquirer / Cerevisaphile
Habitat Outside of taverns, bars, and other places where beers is sold
Description The broken and battered body of a failed adventurer in the clothes of a lurking thug

The Beer Mugger (Grassator cervisiarius) is a monster known primarily by robbing unsuspecting (and, often, inebriated) citizens of their valuable barley-and-hops-based beverages. It is speculated that Beer Muggers are actually the remains of particularly inept and failed heroes. The many beatings they would receive at the hands of other monsters left them disfigured and unrecognizable, and their failure to acquire gold coins left them utterly without beer. Thus, they abandoned adventuring for a life of crime.


Behavior

Beer muggers' primary motivation is to acquire beer through illegal means. They are particularly drawn to heroes and heroines, motivated both by the knowledge that heroes and beer are rarely far apart and buy their deep jealousy of anyone who has had success in adventuring and heroism. Godville University monsterologists hold two competing theories as to how the Beer Mugger locates its prey. The "Pong" school of thought maintains that the Beer Mugger can detect the scent of even small quantities of beer on the breath or clothing of heroes and heroines (but, if we're being honest, the quantities are rarely small). The "Threads" school of thought espouses the theory that Beer Muggers have learned over many years of experience that heroes and heroines, the most desirable targets, can be easily identified by the unusual attire worn by the adventuring classes. Beer Muggers will approach their targets, often in a darkened alley and wearing a long coat or balaclava, and demand a case of beer. As their victims also tend to be cerevisaphiles, the result is a winner-take-all-beer battle to the death. Following a successful mugging, the Beer Mugger will hastily drink down its prize, cry while looking at pictures of ex-lovers, then pass out on the sidewalk, only to rise again. hung over, the next morning to begin the hunt again.

Anti Beer Mugger Tactics

The easiest way to defeat a Beer Mugger is to pretend to acquiesce to its demands, then kill it while it guzzles down the beer. This strategy is, however, only a theoretical one, as no hero has been found thus far who has been willing to surrender any beer without a fight. Some have successfully evaded the Beer Mugger's complex sensory system by dousing themselves in chardonnay, while others have had success by shouting, "Hey, behind you -- a bachelor party". By far, the most common tactic is to repeatedly thrash the Beer Mugger with a weapon and hope for the best. This has been the preferred method in 97.46% of all fights with Beer Muggers[1] in which no divine lightning strikes occurred.

Attributes

Strengths

  • Powerful sensory powers
  • Utter contempt for successful adventurers fuels rage fighting
  • Blind-drunk damage resistance

Weaknesses

  • Their jealousy masks feelings of deep inadequacy
  • Easily distracted by the possibility of easily acquired beer
  • Blind-drunk coordination impairment

References

  1. ↑ It is important to keep in mind that 87% of all statistics are made up.


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Monsters
Lagers Ale-chemist βœ” πŸ» Barbeerian βœ” πŸ» Beer Cubβœ” πŸ» Beer Golem βœ” πŸ» Beer Mugger βœ” πŸ» Beerburglar βœ” πŸ» Beerkat βœ” πŸ» Beerserker βœ” πŸ» Beerwolf βœ” πŸ» Boartender βœ” πŸ» Brewpid the Reindeer βœ” πŸ» Diet Sprite βœ” πŸ» Drinkerella βœ” πŸ» Extra Dry Djinn βœ” πŸ» Methylated Spiritualist πŸ“· πŸ» Red Bull βœ” πŸ» Tea Rex βœ” πŸ» Tequila Mockingbird βœ”
Tigers Basement Cat βœ” πŸ± Bureau-cat βœ” πŸ± Fat Cat βœ” πŸ± Meowntain Cat βœ” πŸ± Neferkitty βœ” πŸ± Photocopycat βœ” πŸ± Punk Panther βœ” πŸ± Weakest Lynx βœ”
Bears Bear Minimum βœ”
Oh My! Adminotaur βœ” πŸ‹οΈ Boozerker βœ” πŸ‹οΈ Godbuster βœ” πŸ‹οΈ Thug-of-war βœ” πŸ‹οΈ Wraptor βœ”
Other Articles
Artifacts Bar tab βœ” πŸ» Beer-battered beer βœ” πŸ» Beer-scented soap βœ” πŸ» Bottle of beer from a wall βœ” πŸ» Bottle of domesticated beer βœ” πŸ» Bottle of holy ale βœ” πŸ» Can of ambrosia βœ” πŸ» Exclamation pint βœ” πŸ» β€œFree beer” ticket βœ” πŸ» Instant beer tablet βœ” πŸ» Pint of no return βœ” πŸ» Strange brewβœ” πŸ» Vanishing pint πŸ“·
Equipment Ancient cork βœ” πŸ» Awkward paws βœ” πŸ» Bear armsβœ” πŸ» Beer goggles βœ”
Quests Brew a storm in a teacup βœ” πŸ» Sit in a tavern and write fake diary entries βœ”
Skills Beer belly βœ” πŸ» Lion belch βœ”
Taverns All Inn βœ” πŸ» The Battle Toad βœ” πŸ» Caravanserai βœ” πŸ» Progress Bar βœ” πŸ» The Rumor Mill βœ” πŸ» The Sword & Sandal βœ” πŸ» The Whinery βœ”