Beer Cub

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Last edit: 323 days ago by Holy Spirit of Hell — History

Monsters of Godville
Beer Cub
Ursus cervisia
Class Mammal
Habitat Outskirts of Beerburgh, Beer Bay
Description Strong body with golden highlights and fluffy head

The Beer Cub (Ursus cervisia) is a monster closely related to the common bear. However, it differs in its behaviour, showing higher cognitive functions and stronger desire to drink.


Historically, Beer Cubs are believed to have been first mentioned and described in ancient chronicles of travelling zoologist Lady Dianne de la Fossey.[1] The chronicles mention a new subspecies of the brown bear, that has smaller stature and behavioural differences.

Β« Day 5: Finally found some bears. They seem to be smaller in size and very playful. And I don't know if it's just me but... are they dancing? Decided to set up a camp nearby to observe more closely.
Dianne de la Fossey, Grizzles in the Mist[1]

After a few days of observations, she noticed more significant differences in their behaviour.

Β« Day 7: That's absolutely fascinating, they're showing signs of reasoning and planning! Some of the bears seem to be preparing their meals in advance and seem to be using simple tools.
Dianne de la Fossey, Grizzles in the Mist[1]

It was later discovered that the bears had been collecting berries and fruits to ferment into alcohol, storing them in different places for days and ultimately feasting on them with the intent of getting thoroughly hammered.

"Beer me!"
Β« Day 435: Still here. I'm mostly mosquito larvae at this point. These freckin' bears are STILL drunk. A couple of times a day, they wander over to another tree, reach into a hole, and pull out a deerskin or pigskin and start swigging from it. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be writing about this any more. I need a shower.
Dianne de la Fossey, Unpublished diaries[2]


Beer Cubs love alcohol, especially beer. In the wild (deep in isolated areas), they will collect berries and store them in their dens to let them ferment. Amazed by the description of this behaviour in de la Fossey chronicles, a tavern owner and an esteemed brewer Lara Craftbeer decided to find out more. She wanted to gather more information about the process and try to create a new authentic recipe inspired by it.[3]

Β« After days of observations, I've decided to go in. I hit a couple of different fermenting stashes and stole some pigskins to analyse the brewing process in different stages. They seem to be mostly using meaculpaberries and Passionless fruit. I'm unclear on the exact process, but so far I can tell they chew the fruit up and then fill a large pigskin with the mash, adding various ingredients varying from a group to group.
Lara Craftbeer, Extreme Brewing: Into The Wild and Beyond[3]

However, the majority of their population today lives near human settlements, where they try to acquire beer more easily and more often. Instances have been known, where an old experienced Beer Cub, who hunted down a few heroines, got a taste for flesh infused with beer. These Beer Cubs have been reported wandering around taverns at the outskirts of towns, hunting drunkards who travel home late in the night, not realising they're easy and tasty prey.[4][5]

No heroine has ever dared to tame this monster because of the respect for freedom of beer, and fear of sharing her own beer.


The Beer Cub really knows how to party


  • Very clever and cunning
  • Knows how to party
  • Sniffs out tipsy heroes easily


  • Difficult to drink, too fluffy
  • Can be bribed with a bottle of beer


  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 Lady de la Fossey, Dianne (approx. 1982 g.e.). Grizzlies in the mist. Unspecifiedistan University Press
  2. ↑ Lady de la Fossey, Dianne (approx. 1983 g.e.). Unpublished diaries. From a private collection of an anonymous philanthropist.
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 Craftbeer, Lara (2017 e.g.) Extreme Brewing: Into The Wild and Beyond. Beerburg's Brewer Publishers
  4. ↑ Barkeep's wife at The Rumour Mill
  5. ↑ Concerned guard in Beerburgh
Majora Rootbear
Domestica Bipolar Bear β€’ OctoBear β€’ Solar Bear
Ursidae incertae sedis Bad News Bear β€’ Bear Minimum β€’ Bear Witness β€’ Bear-Faced Liar β€’ Bearlock β€’ Beer Cub β€’ Cucumbear β€’ Drop Bear β€’ Grizzled Bear β€’ Gummi Bear β€’ Hunny Bear β€’ ManBearPig β€’ Molar Bear β€’ Polaroid Bear β€’ Rugskin Bear β€’ Scare Bear β€’ Unbearable Grizzly β€’ Yellow Bear β€’ Yoga Bear
JanuWiki 2019
Lagers Ale-chemist πŸ» Barbeerian πŸ» Beer Cub πŸ» Beer Golem πŸ» Beer Mugger πŸ» Beerburglar πŸ» Beerkat πŸ» Beerserker πŸ» Beerwolf πŸ» Boartender πŸ» Brewpid the Reindeer πŸ» Diet Sprite πŸ» Drinkerella πŸ» Extra Dry Djinn πŸ» Methylated Spiritualist πŸ» Red Bull πŸ» Tea Rex πŸ» Tequila Mockingbird
Tigers Basement Cat πŸ± Bureau-cat πŸ± Fat Cat πŸ± Meowntain Cat πŸ± Neferkitty πŸ± Photocopycat πŸ± Punk Panther πŸ± Weakest Lynx
Bears Bear Minimum
Oh My! Adminotaur πŸ‹οΈ Boozerker πŸ‹οΈ Godbuster πŸ‹οΈ Thug-of-war πŸ‹οΈ Wraptor
Other Articles
Artifacts Bar tab πŸ» Beer-battered beer πŸ» Beer-scented soap πŸ» Bottle of beer from a wall πŸ» Bottle of domesticated beer πŸ» Bottle of holy ale πŸ» Can of ambrosia πŸ» Exclamation pint πŸ» β€œFree beer” ticket πŸ» Instant beer tablet πŸ» Pint of no return πŸ» Strange brew πŸ» Vanishing pint
Equipment Ancient cork πŸ» Awkward paws πŸ» Bear arms πŸ» Beer goggles
Quests Brew a storm in a teacup πŸ» Sit in a tavern and write fake diary entries
Skills Beer belly πŸ» Lion belch
Taverns All Inn πŸ» The Battle Toad πŸ» Caravanserai πŸ» Progress Bar πŸ» The Rumor Mill πŸ» The Sword & Sandal πŸ» The Whinery