Beer Cub

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Monsters of Godville
Beer Cub
Ursus cervisia
BeerCub.jpg
Class Mammal
Habitat Outskirts of Beerburgh, Beer Bay
Description Strong body with golden highlights and fluffy head

The Beer Cub (Ursus cervisia) is a monster closely related to the common bear. However, it differs in its behaviour, showing higher cognitive functions and stronger desire to drink.

History

Historically, Beer Cubs are believed to have been first mentioned and described in ancient chronicles of travelling zoologist Lady Dianne de la Fossey.[1] The chronicles mention a new subspecies of the brown bear, that has smaller stature and behavioural differences.

« Day 5: Finally found some bears. They seem to be smaller in size and very playful. And I don't know if it's just me but... are they dancing? Decided to set up a camp nearby to observe more closely.
Dianne de la Fossey, Grizzles in the Mist[1]
»

After a few days of observations, she noticed more significant differences in their behaviour.

« Day 7: That's absolutely fascinating, they're showing signs of reasoning and planning! Some of the bears seem to be preparing their meals in advance and seem to be using simple tools.
Dianne de la Fossey, Grizzles in the Mist[1]
»

It was later discovered that the bears had been collecting berries and fruits to ferment into alcohol, storing them in different places for days and ultimately feasting on them with the intent of getting thoroughly hammered.

"Beer me!"
« Day 435: Still here. I'm mostly mosquito larvae at this point. These freckin' bears are STILL drunk. A couple of times a day, they wander over to another tree, reach into a hole, and pull out a deerskin or pigskin and start swigging from it. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be writing about this any more. I need a shower.
Dianne de la Fossey, Unpublished diaries[2]
»

Behaviour

Beer Cubs love alcohol, especially beer. In the wild (deep in isolated areas), they will collect berries and store them in their dens to let them ferment. Amazed by the description of this behaviour in de la Fossey chronicles, a tavern owner and an esteemed brewer Lara Craftbeer decided to find out more. She wanted to gather more information about the process and try to create a new authentic recipe inspired by it.[3]

« After days of observations, I've decided to go in. I hit a couple of different fermenting stashes and stole some pigskins to analyse the brewing process in different stages. They seem to be mostly using meaculpaberries and Passionless fruit. I'm unclear on the exact process, but so far I can tell they chew the fruit up and then fill a large pigskin with the mash, adding various ingredients varying from a group to group.
Lara Craftbeer, Extreme Brewing: Into The Wild and Beyond[3]
»

However, the majority of their population today lives near human settlements, where they try to acquire beer more easily and more often. Instances have been known, where an old experienced Beer Cub, who hunted down a few heroes, got a taste for flesh infused with beer. These Beer Cubs have been reported wandering around taverns at the outskirts of towns, hunting drunkards who travel home late in the night, not realising they're easy and tasty prey.[4][5]

No hero has ever dared to tame this monster because of the respect for freedom of beer, and fear of sharing his own beer.

Attributes

The Beer Cub really knows how to party

Strengths

  • Very clever and cunning
  • Knows how to party
  • Sniffs out tipsy heroes easily

Weaknesses

  • Difficult to drink, too fluffy
  • Can be bribed with a bottle of beer

References

  1. 1.0 1.1 1.2 Lady de la Fossey, Dianne (approx. 1982 g.e.). Grizzlies in the mist. Unspecifiedistan University Press
  2. Lady de la Fossey, Dianne (approx. 1983 g.e.). Unpublished diaries. From a private collection of an anonymous philanthropist.
  3. 3.0 3.1 Craftbeer, Lara (2017 e.g.) Extreme Brewing: Into The Wild and Beyond. Beerburg's Brewer Publishers
  4. Barkeep's wife at The Rumour Mill
  5. Concerned guard in Beerburgh
Bears
Ursidae
Majora Rootbear
Domestica Bipolar Bear • OctoBear • Solar Bear
Ursidae incertae sedis Bad News Bear • Bear Minimum • Bear Witness • Bear-Faced Liar • Bearlock • Beer Cub • Cucumbear • Drop Bear • Grizzled Bear • Gummi Bear • Hunny Bear • ManBearPig • Molar Bear • Polaroid Bear • Rugskin Bear • Scare Bear • Unbearable Grizzly • Yellow Bear • Yoga Bear
JanuWiki 2019
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Lagers Ale-chemist 🍻 Barbeerian 🍻 Beer Cub 🍻 Beer Golem 🍻 Beer Mugger 🍻 Beerburglar 🍻 Beerkat 🍻 Beerserker 🍻 Beerwolf 🍻 Boartender 🍻 Brewpid the Reindeer 🍻 Diet Sprite 🍻 Drinkerella 🍻 Extra Dry Djinn 🍻 Methylated Spiritualist 🍻 Red Bull 🍻 Tea Rex 🍻 Tequila Mockingbird
Tigers Basement Cat 🐱 Bureau-cat 🐱 Fat Cat 🐱 Meowntain Cat 🐱 Neferkitty 🐱 Photocopycat 🐱 Punk Panther 🐱 Weakest Lynx
Bears Bear Minimum
Oh My! Adminotaur 🏋️ Boozerker 🏋️ Godbuster 🏋️ Thug-of-war 🏋️ Wraptor
Other Articles
Artifacts Bar tab 🍻 Beer-battered beer 🍻 Beer-scented soap 🍻 Bottle of beer from a wall 🍻 Bottle of domesticated beer 🍻 Bottle of holy ale 🍻 Can of ambrosia 🍻 Exclamation pint 🍻 “Free beer” ticket 🍻 Instant beer tablet 🍻 Pint of no return 🍻 Strange brew 🍻 Vanishing pint
Equipment Ancient cork 🍻 Awkward paws 🍻 Bear arms 🍻 Beer goggles
Quests Brew a storm in a teacup 🍻 Sit in a tavern and write fake diary entries
Skills Beer belly 🍻 Lion belch
Taverns All Inn 🍻 The Battle Toad 🍻 Caravanserai 🍻 Progress Bar 🍻 The Rumor Mill 🍻 The Sword & Sandal 🍻 The Whinery