User:Xzzwxs

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Xzzwxs
Championed by the Hero: Post-it
Personality: none, but cranky in the mornings
Gender: Male
Motto: I'll report you to QC
Guild: Guild Name
Guild Position: Prophet



The House of Xzzwxs

Welcome to the Offices of GodXzzwxs , Dave and Associates. While there is no Dave, and the Associates, if they ever existed, have not showed up to work since the beginning of time, We (and this is the royal We) welcome you to it. Xzzwxs will surely send a command to one of his underlings, and thus ensure that someone will be with you in a minute. You might want to make yourself comfortable, given that Gods count time differently.

Xzzwxs lowly hero Post-it never figured out how to pronounce his god's name. He never really tried, despite several early voices asking him to learn something new. It is, quite likely, the reason Post-it is often confused about the voices he hears, and doesn't always follow the Voice of God. In instances in which he does follow commands, he does so in strange ways and often in a half-assed manner. Xzzwxs allows this behavior, partly because he does not always sit around watching the Remote Control and partly because the frustration is, on hindsight, amusing. Most importantly, as part of the Guild Name guild, Xzzwxs chose not to seem to overbearing.

Titles and Secret Identities

He was declared to be the Official Guild Name Extreme Pollster and Forecaster for his ability to forecast the obvious several minutes after it happens, and do so with such wanton abandoned that no one has the heart to tell him he's too late. His forecasting ability is matched only by his ability to conduct polls, all of which have predetermined answers. He is forecasting that, one day, he will be SAD004 - Secret Agent DraGoon 004 - in DraGoons Of Pretentious Evil. It is almost certain that his promotion has already happened.

Physics of Xzzwxs

After several rounds of experimentation - which involved heavy drinking, eating the holy bacon, and general mayhem,- the following axiom of existence was discovered: the latest in particle physics is that when a Xzzwxs and an anti-Xzzwxs annihilate, you get three vowels, a positron, a gamma ray, and confused.

The Names of Xzzwxs

The confusion caused by Xzzwxs name - or rather the pronunciation - has produced the many names listed below. Post-it, in a uncharacteristic display of loyalty and deferral, chose to write them all down on the walls of the temple he is building in Godville... when he remembers. The prevailing theory is that there is an inverse relation between the amount of alcohol consumed and the closeness between the spelling and the pronunciation.

Some of the other gods of Guild Name, in a fit of average rebelliousness, chose to call him Dave. Seems as good as any.

As of 1045 G. E. there is an Earthly News entry in the game

Inventing silly nicknames for {his|her} guildmates...

The Associates hereby acknowledge GodYour Ex Girlfriend  who came up with the game and the entry.

  1. X
  2. Xzz
  3. Kiz
  4. Liz (The Grand Random works in mysterious and auto-correcting ways)
  5. Kizzy
  6. Zwicks
  7. SkiwikS (it's palindromic that way)
  8. K'Nizzy
  9. Ice Kiz
  10. P-Zizzy
  11. Lil' Kiz or L'il Kizz
  12. Fezziwig
  13. Kzeevicks
  14. MC Kizzy P
  15. Kizzywicks
  16. Godface Kizzah
  17. The Notorious XWZ or The Notorious XZZ

Basically, don't call Xzzwxs. He'll call you. Probably not.

The Fizzy Kiz, The Official Drink of Xzzwxs

45 ml whiskey 30 ml red grapefruit juice 10 ml simple syrup 80 ml brut champagne garnish with lemon wedge, serve over ice

The Associates hereby acknowledge GodYour Ex Girlfriend  who came up with the recipe.


Life after Temple Completion

The History of the Temple of Xzzwxs

Soon after the completion of The Temple of Xzzwxs, Post-it scribbled the following image on the door. A testament to both his devotion to me, his god, and to Dave and Associates who, for whatever reason, seem to care about numbers.

Several things are clear. Post-it has too much time on his hands and not enough work. So does Dave. There were several attempts to change that situation in the latter's case with very limited success.

So You Finished Your Temple... Now what?

Here's what Life after Temple Completion can bring you by Dave and Associates, your Retirement from Construction Specialists.

[editorial note – we all know heroes can be male or female. However, writing this in both genders got old really fast. So, if you have a heroine, rest assure the statements below will help her just as much, despite being written specifically for guys. And no, it’s not sexist.]

So there you are… your temple is complete, a shiny, virtual beacon of your willingness to lose sleep and/or invest non-virtual funds. Now what? Punishment and Encouragement no longer melts bricks and your hero takes great pleasure in teasing you with large sums in his pocket. Should you give up?! Here are the many reasons why you should not (at least not yet)

[the twitching to melt will stop after about a week or so. Take a deep breath, you will survive melting withdrawal.]

A shiny temple badge is a good start, but don’t forget you’re still, somewhat responsible for the well being of your hero, and certainly his pet. Plus, that badge is lonely all by itself, so get it some companionship. You could now attempt to gain the breeder medal. Also, you have some really cool new powers which you should be itching to use.

What to do

Like before temple completion, returning to Godville can be a financial windfall: you get around 3000 gold coins every time you get to town. Sometimes you get more, sometimes less, but mostly between 2000 and 4000 coins. On happy occasions, gods can even get extra charges, but those are much rarer. Expect one or two charges a day, but only if the Random likes you. (he usually does)

Phffff. Money you say?! What are you to do with money, now that, let’s face it, you have no use for bricks anymore? Well, here are some of the things that money can still buy: buy love (yours specifically); buy equipment; train skills; revive pets; increase experience via sacrifices, save for retirement, and, of course, spend it like a mad man.

Having melted all your hero’s gold from under him, a good strategy is to let the poor guy spend some money on himself. Yes, it will be strange to see him buy equipment and skills without twitching to melt, but it’s good for his position in the Pantheon of Mastery. Skill upgrades raise you quite a bit; while equipment… well that’s more random… many heroes have been known to buy equipment that is worse than their current stuff just because it’s shiny and/or clean.

[let your hero go on the spending spree for the next few days after temple construction. If you did your job right – and that temple badge says you have -- he’s been questing in rags for a while now. Let him upgrade for a little bit, he’ll be much happier for it]

Sacrifices are also a nice way to say thank you to your hero while getting bragging rights. Heroes returning to Godville with large amounts of gold show appreciation to their gods by sacrificing gold. In turn, gods who receive sacrifices bestow upon their heroes large amounts of experience. Sacrifices are received in 10,000 (10k) gold coins increments, meaning your hero can sacrifice 10k, 20k, or 30k gold to receive quite a little bit toward their current level. There have been reports that one cannot sacrifice above the 30,000 gold limit. Either gods have a deposit limit, or, more likely, heroes refuse to sacrifice such a large sum to gods who clearly have no business having that kind of money.

[Digging at the end of the quest is a good way to ensure you have enough for a sacrifice when you get to Godville. You know those charges you get for having completed your temple? You can use those.]

Saving for retirement is a somewhat random process that happens while in a town. It's not just Godville, it can happen in any town. While heroes could actually deposit their gold in money market accounts or in bonds, and thus gain some interest, they do not. Yes, heroes are idiots, but you’ve been at this for a while now so you should have known that already. Heroes will sell loot, buy equipment, decide whether to save or not, then go spend money in town. IF they decide to save, rumor has it that they will save up to 1/3 of their current holding. Could be worst. [the data is so weak on this that we might as well make it up as we go along. we did not, but we could have and you'd be hard pressed to prove it]

[Saving is a little random, but maximizing your chances is not. If you want to save, return your hero to town when he has high liquidity: with the return to town Voice of God, or with a teleporter if you feel like spending the godpower. However, keep in mind if he returns to Godville and you have over 10k, he will sacrifice first. You can also mash that miracle button to get bold items. If you do that while selling you can get items and/or influence... either way you win]

Last but not least, turn off gold notifications and try to get some sleep. Your family will thank you. Your co-workers will thank you. The guy on the subway behind you who had to put up with you fidgeting around to get a signal because “Dude!... I have 2938 coins and I think I can get to sell in Tradeburg” will thank you.

What you get

Miracles! Were you expecting more? Tough, that’s all you get. But you know what. That’s a lot, and it can do some really cool stuff. Miracles cost 50 godpower points, but they are definitely worth it. You can use miracles while traveling, while fighting, in town, or in a duel. Of all those things, there is NO reason to use a miracle in a duel. As a matter of fact, only douches use miracles in duels. They will not help you. They will, however, hurt the other guy: they may break his armor, they may break bold items they carry, they may steal experience… Most of all, they will annoy the living daylights of the other god who will then complain to all his friends about what a douche you turned out to be. Don’t use miracles in duels. Just don’t.

Outside of duels, miracles are really, really cool. Outside of town, they can completely heal your hero: yeah, completely! They can help your hero complete the current quest, be that a regular, run of the mill quest (which gets a 25% completion) or an epic quest (5% completion). They can get you a nice bold item to sell next time you’re in town. They can upgrade your armor: be careful, you might have the best looking Icarus Wings in existence. In town, they can also upgrade armor, heal, or get bold items, but also increase your guild’s influence (miracle influence is worth at least two encourage/punishment influences) or can increase your own personal influence which may, at some point, play a role in the game. Last, but not least, miracles can kill a monster in one fell swoop. Don’t waste your miracles to kill monsters, unless you really want to kill that Godville Administrator and get that elusive invite.

[When you miracle is important. How fast you do it one after another also matters. Don’t miracle when “searching for the right path” or when “returning to quest”. Pressing the miracle button in quick succession more often than not gives you two different outcomes.]

So there you are. You’ve come into your own. Your hero has failed to fail enough times for you to complete this golden monstrosity, which is crowded among hundreds of other golden monstrosities and which, together, have transformed Godville from its former romantic self, into an eye straining temple suburbia. I hope you’re happy. Now go do what you crazy gods do.

Diary Entries I positively hate

Everyone has their favorite entries. So do I. But here are the entries I positively hate. And not just hate, but loath with the type of passion reserved for... well, for Apple products and Appleheads' smugness. Yeah, that type of hate: the one just below ideological puritans and religious fanatics.

Game. Set. Match! = probably the very reason the ER needs a NO vote option. Sometimes just ignoring an entry does not guarantee it fails.

edit: Sadly, sometimes one is wrong about such things. I don't apologize for the hate i felt for GSM, it was not misplaced in the bit. However Game. Set. Match! became something more with time - something that made sense. It became a meme within the game, which gave it meaning. I miss it now.

Xzzwxs' Game Additions

These Entries Dedicated To...
Diary
Told the %monster% its diary was full of mistakes and typos. It congratulated me on my attention to detail, then proceeded to beat me over the head with its bald eagle quill.
I'm going back to town, %rg%. The tavern is having a special today and I must grammar correct their menu.
Saw a sign on the side of the road. It read: “Bald eagle, looking for stolen feather. Reward offered.”
A blue hand came out of nowhere and stapled a note to my forehead. It read: “You're doing it all wrong!”
Came across a sign that read: “In Soviet Russia, bald eagle plucks you.”
Noticed the small print on the back of my diary. It read: “No bald eagles were harmed in the making of this diary.” Yet...
Fought the urge to answer a troll. Lost.
Sigh... Not again...
Earthly News
Changing the definition of “daft” to “has unshakable convictions”...
Debating whether to engage or ignore...
Quests
bring a bald eagle its feather back and apologize
sell a toupee to a bald eagle
Artifacts
psychological breakthrough
special character
Equipment
bald eagle hairpiece (Head)

Dungeons

  • This room is not a room at all, but a gladiator arena. Thousands of monsters cheer wildly, and a Godville Administrator thunders from above: “Release of the %boss%!”
  • The heroes barged into the room, with their weapons drawn and war-paint on. Closing the door behind them, the %boss% whisperers menacingly: “Game. Set. Match!”
  • Loud snores echo from the large bed in the corner. The heroes thank their gods the Minotourist works another timezone and decide to depart before he awakes.
  • This room contains a massive Rubik cube. After several failed attempts, the cube explodes, causing physical and self esteem damage.
  • This room contains a massive Rubik cube. Solving the puzzle reveals that the treasure is toward the %v%
  • The heroes enter a small study, adorned with bookcases and busts of fallen bosses. From a writing desk in the corner, a %boss% stands up mumbling about never completing his manifesto because of heroes and their annoying interruptions.
  • This room houses a million monkeys typing a million screenplays on a million typewriters. A balding, mustached man in 17th century English dress paces anxiously back and forth.
  • Having first established a working group to investigate the room's opening, the heroes decide to go %dir%.
  • The heroes remember to check the Movement Aiding Parchment and realize they should go %dir%.
  • This room is a replica of an unknown office, complete with soul crushing grey cubicles and broken down office chairs. The mind numbing deadness causes some damage to all heroes.
  • The sounds of uterine rumblings worry the heroes, not in the least because none of them can figure out what uterine rumblings actually sound like.
  • Bright candles housed in weathered skulls brightly light this room. A disembodied finger points to the %v%, while an unseen voice mumbles something unintelligible. The heroes can go %v%.
  • Despite their better judgement, the heroes go %v%. Long ago, someone with more sense abandoned this room to time and the elements. The heroes can go in any direction, provided their better judgement fails them again.
  • The heroes spun around and went %v%. This room is warm and inviting the same way an interrogation room is not. A sign on the wall reads: Trespassers will be mauled; survivors will be mauled again. The heroes can go %v% and %v%. [this was broken up in ER - I have no idea which part of it was approved]

Diary Entries

  • I've completed countless quests and traveled countless miles, yet I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
  • Simmer down now, %rg%. I'm trying to listen for your commands.
  • Told the doctor what happened. He's now in the corner, crying.
  • They say only an idiot would try to %quest%. I guess they were right: after all the travels and blood, all I got was this %equipment% and %gold%.
  • My {Lord|Lady}, I'm off to %quest%. The temple's sacrificial flame is off and the doors are locked. Don't wait up, it looks like I'll be a while.
  • I was so happy to complete %current_quest%, I passed out. I don't remember what the reward was, but I'm sure it was good.
  • If this is what retirement looks like, I'd rather work forever.
  • This diary entry brought to you by %random_guild%. We want you despite yourself.
  • Looked the {pretty girl|handsome boy} in the eyes and whispered “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” hoping they'll become by {wife|husband}, Turns out in %current_town% that means “hit me with whatever you have handy.”
  • Spent some time at Diggers Anonymous. I can't shake the feeling that half the attendees are moles.
  • My {Lord|Lady}, sometimes I realize just how boorish other gods can be. Why just now I heard one say “%god_voice%” to a less fortunate hero.
  • A %monster% its sitting quietly by the side of the road. You always have to be weary of the quiet ones, %rg%. To battle!
  • They say size doesn't matter, %rg%, but I for one prefer a larger weapon, even if I have to pay %gold%. This %hero_equipment% will do just fine.
  • It is indubitable, my {Lord|Lady}, that I have no need for theoretical sciences, such as math, but have an exponential need for understanding the physical sciences, such as the motion of liquids. To the tavern!
  • My {Lord|Lady}, social convention requires that I respond to your attempts at communication. So..., uhm..., no.
  • Woke up in strange place, in a bathtub filled with ice. I still have my kidneys but my %hero_random_skill% has been exchanged for %random_skill%.
  • My {Lord|||Lady}, you would not believe it! A group of villagers paid me %gold% to get you to never say %godphrase% again.
  • Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name. I'd rather go to %nearby_tavern%, where they'll still serve me.
  • Pulled out an emergency prayer pack. It's a little dusty and a few days past it's expiration date, but that's the best I can do right now, my {Lord|Lady}.
  • The healer told me that I've maxed out the use of my %skill% but that my contract allows for a skill exchange. I chose %skill% - it sounds positively formidable.
  • Sorry, %rg%, but that's a dupe.
  • Sorry, My {Lord|Lady}, I didn't get that. My notifications have been buggy lately.
  • Garçon! Another round for everyone. And put it all on my tab, under %random_friend%.
  • The %monster% insulted me, my god, and my guild. There's only one way to settle this... I'm telling my mommy!
  • Hmm... That's good rainwater...
  • Found an electronic diary on the ground. Left it there; why would anyone ever need more than ten entries is beyond me.
  • Looked a gift horse in the mouth. Realized why it was gifted right as I passed out from the bad breath.
  • Attended group therapy with the voices in my head. They all agreed I was disruptive and I was asked to leave the group.
  • Dug a hole. Found a %random_monster%'s secret stash of %gold%.
  • Took my %pet_class% to the pet psychologist to deal with its fear of commitment and violent tendencies. Paid %gold% to settle the charges after %pet_name% attacked him.
  • Was wondering how life could possibly get any worse, when an enormous %monster% whispered in my ear: “Game. Set. Match!”
  • My digging caused the side of the road to collapse. I'm afraid, %rg%, very afraid.
  • My {Lord|Lady}, you have the gift of compressing the largest amount of words in the smallest amount of thought.
  • Cogito, ergo... oh, who am I kidding. I never cogito.
  • I know, %rg%, I'm just as surprised I won.
  •  %rg%, I promise not to write 'Game. Set. Match!' in my diary ever again.
  • Attended a daytime talk show. The DNA test showed I am %pet_name%'s {father|mother}.
  • Found a “Kick Me” sign trapped to the back of the %monster%. Followed it to the letter.
  • I'm not questing %rg%, I'm LARPing
  • Searching for an off-the-shelf security solution...
  • Yelled %motto% at the top my my lungs. Received a yellow card for unsportsmanlike behaviour.
  • When I quest, people die my {Lord|||Lady}. Mostly me it seems.
  • I can't do that, my {Lord|Lady}. Technically, that's a violation of the service agreement.
  • Yelled “Now stay dead!” at the Undead %monster% and hit it right between its beady little eyes. Took %artifact% and %gold% and backed away quickly just in case it had a different idea.
  • The %monster%'s bones started rattling and shimmering in a sickly, green light. Oh my {Lord|Lady}, it's turning Undead!
  • My %pet_class% sat pouting on the sidelines and began to recite some poetry it had written recently. The %monster% screamed in agony as its internal organs committed mass suicide. Good thing I did not wash my ears this month... it might have backfired.
  • Took the right turn and found a traveling tavern hidden I'm the woods. Tears of joy ran down my face as the barkeep placed a cold beer in front of me. The %gold% bill seems steep, but where else was I to get a drink?
  • Suddenly realized I had a burning desire to open up %v%. As I raised the intricately marked lid, memories started flooding back and I remembered a death I had suppressed. Damn!
  • Fine, %rg%. I was about to retire at the tavern, but saving money for a rainy day sounds like a lot more fun.
  • This diary entry does not necessarily reflect the views of my God or the Godville Administrators.
  • Found a Post-it on my diary. It said “Stop writing while fighting.” Had to remove it to write this entry.
  • Found %gold% in a wishing well. Finally, my wish came true.
  • Carefully placed the last brick, swept all the rooms, opened all doors and in a stately manner cut the ribbon with my sword. Yeah!That's what I plan to write as soon as I finish the construction, %rg%.
  • A little old lady demanded that I return her %pet_class% immediately or face her wrath. I'll miss you, %pet_name%, but she looks like she's not afraid to use that purse.
  •  %Random_friend% came in and started beating the merchant creaming about a fake health bar. Used the confusion to take %artifact% from the counter.
  • Not today, %rg%. I have a headache.
  • Snakes, %rg%?! Why did it have to be snakes?!
  • Found the path of least resistance. Slipped right off it.
  • Paid %gold% to the shopkeeper to repair a broken gold brick I found on the aside of the road. Now I can add it to my temple.
  • I told the %monster% I expected him to die. To my surprise, he did just that. I picked up %artifact_base% and %gold%.
  • Thank you sir, may I have another?
  • Met a traveling sage who told me how to complete %quest%. Forgot to write it down in the diary. Moving on.
  • Discovered that %quest% was just a way for the townsfolk to get me out of town. I'll make them pay... as soon as I finish it.
  • The voices in my head are really getting annoying. time to hum louder.


---

  • Absolutely, my {Lord|Lady}, right after this messages.
  • Victory will be mine! Eventually...
  • A giant cable descended from the sky, wrapped itself around me, and re-energized my body. Thanks, %rg%, but can we talk about where to plug that next time?
  • Told (pet-name) someone is always telling me to do things. he gave me a “tell me about it” look, and walked away in disgust.
  • I was bathed in light and felt like one with the universe, bursting with the power of omnipotence. Then I woke up in a puddle of mud and covered in what I hope was manure. On the bright side, I'm now healed, though %pet_name% is keeping a healthy distance away.
  • My %trade_skill% came in real handy. Though I could not convince the trader's {daughter|son} to go out on a date, I did get %gold% to stop trying and go away.
  • I heard %random_god_voice% coming from the bushes the next hill over. Ran all the way here as fast as I could to tell you, my {Lord|||Lady}
  • Strange... I remember someone telling me to %god_voice%, but I don't remember doing it.
  • I was strolling the streets of Godville, trying to avoid my creditors, when a blinding light hit me square between the eyes and I felt compelled to %current_quest%. Whatever gets me out of town... I mean, brings you glory, %rg%.
  • Good news %rg%! I learned a very useful new skill: %v%. At least the traveling master who trained me promised it was very useful.
  • The %monster% told me I was devoid of all intelligence and personality. I disagreed and now I seem to be devoid of all life as well.
  • Our guild mansion is falling apart and last night someone defiled my shield. It's time to %guild_quest% and join someone more like me.
  • Just when I thought I was done and could retire to a quiet life, I realized I must %quest%. Well then, quickly, before someone else does it first.
  • A wandering master told me not to believe everything I read on burned toast.
  • I thought of fleeing my {Lord|||Lady}, but then decided it smacked of effort. I think I'll just die here and save myself the trouble of dragging my way to town.
  • Did you know, my {Lord|Lady} that soporific is defined as 'tending to induce drowsiness or sleep'? Strangely, so is the use of the word.
  • I was all set, my {Lord|Lady}. I had found the perfect arena opponent: scrawny frame, goofy outfit, a stupid look in their eyes... Then I realized I was looking in a mirror. Oh well, at least I'm fully healed and within walking distance of a tavern.
  • Heard a hero repeating “heal me” over and over again. I told him that gods don't respond to the “heal me” command.
  • Went to the Wounded Heroes office asking for help, but I was told damage to my pride does not qualify as a battle wound.
  • Told a Fire Elemental it was smoking hot. It called me boorish and slapped me with a sexual harassment complaint.
  • I find the quiet time waiting in the Arena to be the most enjoyable part of the experience, %rg%. Might have something to do with the repeated blunt trauma to the head I experience later.
  • A massive cavern opened before me and I saw the glitter of gold lining the floor. As I took a step inside, a strange calamari jumped from the shadows and yelled: 'It's a trap!' I wonder what it meant by it.
  • First I thought about fleeing on foot. Then I realized it would be much easier to flee on my %pet_class%. Hi Ho %pet_name% away!
  • I'm taking this time to write my victory speech, %rg%. I'm sure nothing can go wrong.
  • I remain convinced that the %monster% population retains a secret manufacturing plant. How else would they come by this %artifact_base% and %gold%?
  • Fare-thee-well, %monster%. I shall cherish both your death screams and this %artifact_base% and %gold%.
  • Fell asleep by the wayside. Woke up with %v% sunburned on my forehead.


Earthly News

  • Unsure if in need of a priest or a coroner...
  • The %monster% is explaining its overcomplicated world domination scheme...
  • The hero is trying to reboot the fight in safe mode...
  • Tripping logic traps...
  • Trying to remain sober at the guild council meeting...
  • Through rough and sand traps...
  • Checking the arena wait-list for {princesses|||dandy-boys}...
  • Trying to remember the guild hall's password...
  • In through the out door...
  • Worried {his|her} {underwear|bra} is showing...
  • Racing to the bottom of the Survival pantheon...
  • Submitting timecards and travel reimbursement forms...
  • Claiming a mental health day...
  • Filling out questionnaires on his/her recent travel experiences...
  • And on that bombshell...
  • Hoping for a buy one get one free sale at the tavern...

---

  • Reading locker room gossip in the “Godville Times”...

Duels

  •  %attacker% gave %defender% a heartfelt compliment. %defender% was flustered for %v% hit points.
  • An army of moles ran from the stands, bathed, bandaged, and perfumed %attacker%. {His|Her} wounds are now healed, while %defender% feels a little left out.
  •  %attacker% noticed that {his|her} weapon had caught fire. {He|She} then noticed that {he|she} caught fire and ran straight into a wall trying to put it out. Careful, %attacker_god%!
  • Mishearing the command from above, %attacker% quickly rubbed some herbs over {his|her} most grievous wound.
  • The %boss_monster% yelled “Brutality!” and performed an massive combo-move out of turn. The heroes are huddling together trying to figure out a cheat code.
  • The heroes huddled together to devise a cunning attack plan. %boss_monster% took the opportunity to crush all of them under a massive boulder.

Quests

  • join the dark side and steal their cookies
  • find Godville's Mayor and complain that this quest is offensive
  • sail to France and shave their women

---

  • elevate the ceiling

Monsters

  • Average Bear

---

  • Artsy Fox
  • Perverse Brutal Mole

Artifacts

  • piece of flair
  • someone's drift
  • lock-box (@) (meant to add 10-100% of gold to savings)

Equipment

  • silly-string chain-mail (Body)
  • lost pants (Legs)
  • trenchant obtusenator of boorishness (Weapon)

News for the Newspaper

  •  %random_ER_god% contributes ideas often. {He|She} does it for the kids! (Ideabox News)
  •  %random_ER_god% finds improving ideas an incredibly painful chore, but, as a masochist, promises to continue to do it. (Ideabox News)
  • Are you afraid everyone is out to get you? You are not alone. Tune in to the Truth Hour, every Sunday on KGNF 105.5, Godville's only Text Based Talk Radio. (Newspaper Adds Section)