Thieving Vending Machine

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Monsters of Godville
Thieving Vending Machine
Class Sentient Machine
Habitat Waiting rooms, break rooms, university hallways
Description Delicious snacks, sharp teeth

The Thieving Vending Machine resembles an ordinary vending machine in the way a lion resembles a cat: they share similar aspects but one you would cuddle and one you would run away from screaming.

The primary differences include the former having flashing neon lights, a selection of food and/or drinks specifically tailored to the nearest hero with coin, and the ability to fight back when said hero figures out they have been duped..


Thieving Vending Machines are mechanical monsters equipped with a form of intelligence. Whether the nature of this intelligence is artificial or occult has resulted in a debate that rends a deep schism among the Godville Department of Monster Zoology (DMZ) cryptozoologists. Usually, the monster's fight with hero leaves too little behind in order to support study, of monster or hero.

Thieving Vending Machines are in possession of large, hard, metal or plastic armor shells, are generally sedentary, and are most often found in dark crannies or dank, dirty rest stops along the Gold Road. The Autonomous Godville Association for Safe Travel (AGAST) has so long warned general travelers against visiting these uninviting places in order to avoid danger that the Thieving Vending Machines have taken to roaming and attacking gold caravans when oblivious heroes are scarce. The stress on the population that has forced this change in behavior is a subject of current study by the DMZ (when the cryptozoologists are not indulging in fisticuffs over the intelligence question). 


The Thieving Vending Machine's natural armor makes harming it a difficult proposition at best. The most successful tactic on record is to hit it where it hurts: the coin slot.



  • Large weight advantage
  • Disheartens the hero with the false promise of nourishment
  • Consistently has the element of surprise due to its disguise


  • Slow and awkward
  • Lacks limbs
  • Vulnerable to electricity (not that heroes think to use this)
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Other 3D Sprinter • Depresso Machine • Hell Monitor • Ice Borg • Killer App • Killerbyte • Monotonous Drone • R2-Detour • Shift-Shaper • Sock Eating Machine • Terrorbyte • Thieving Vending Machine • Unmannered Drone