The Garlic 6

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Last Week's Issue    Issue #16    g.e. 1021 Next Week's Issue   

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Forgotten Garlic Issues Stink

Godville- Hero finds an edition of Godville's fourth best periodical under a burning brown bag filled with onions left at the steps of his temple.

“It was terrible feeling knowing that no other heroes had read the garlic in months and people could see me reading it.” He said. “I even got a few scowls from four female heroes and a wink from a pretty menacing Invisible pink unicorn. Whats worse is that the humor was so 2012!“

The sack is reported to have lost the hero over 9,000 gold coins from donations and the respect of many.


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Ancient God Rediscovers 3d Interface

Milestone 2- God from nearly the beginning reinitiates his 3d interface and is upset to not see the familiar tetrahedral like thing.

"It was always there if I wanted it, but I never did. I was just comforted by knowing I could have it. But... Nouw [sic] I can't have it. I was randomly compelled to turn it back on but a round colorful object was there in its stead."

The god has since given up on all dimensions bellow seven. "Things are meant to have order but it seems that that just can't happen in the lower D's. They just don't make sense," he says.


Garlic Now Hiring Editors

Deville— BlueStapler left the office open and yet the presses still are cold. It is speculated that there is no interest in a fourth rate paper but yet fan mail says otherwise though the content of said mail has yet to be analyzed and it is likely that it was sent to the wrong location.


Local Hero Realizes That Starting a New Guild Just Ain’t Gonna Happen

Beerburgh—After three months of enjoying a completed temple, a hero has finally concluded that he’s never going to get recruities. He sat down with a pen and paper and calculated that to bribe the four followers it takes to start a real guild he needed 30,000,000 gold coins and at the rate he’s saving is going to take more days than he can calculate.

“I tried to figure out how long it will take to save my coins, but this paper is just too darn small,” he said. “I think I gave up when the number of days reached 7,000 or something like that.”

The Hero then promptly headed to the The Drunken Clam to spend his hard earn gold coins on a easy-to-drink beer.



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Fred Flintstone Refutes Claims That The Newest Publication Of The Garlic Is A Publicity Stunt

Deville—Hero Diddy Kong enters the abandoned shack used to publish the garlic and prints a new issue as instructed by from Fred Flintstone. After 4.2 * 109,001 attempts to interview Flintstone on why he was reviving The Garlic he finally replied.

"This edition of The Garlic is not spam. It is not an attempt to spread the the name Flintstone, Mörder, or Grey and is most definatly not trying to get people to join The Saucer Morons. You can't even join a guild with no one in it! Now Go away!"

Since this interview Flintstone's true intentions on writing a new Garlic have been questioned. Many believe that he is doing it doing it just to create spam much like hes is known for doing in the Flame Lounge. Other opinions are far less interesting and won't be covered.

“It’s so wasteful. I don’t even want this junk. These rolls aren’t new, they’re trash.” Said a concerned Heroine. “It’s even more shocking that heroes risk their lives to read this rubbish. I hope they don’t expect a refund. The Garlic deserves to stay dead.”


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The Garlic was a newspaper published by BlueStapler once a week for 5 weeks only. It documented only the really important events in Godville. User:Fred Flintstone saw a shack with a press and made this. If you like this, you are a fool. You have probably already rated BlueStapler's Chronicles as 5 stars so go do the same for Fred's. If you hate this, good for you. Comments, suggestions, contributions, letters to the editor, and hate mail may be submitted to The Garlic's forum thread. In case you're wondering, yes, the format has been created to print nicely on 8.5" x 11" paper.