The Cliff of The Lonely Hero
Long ago, it was known merely as ‘a cliff’. That all changed when one of the first heroes returned to Godville to tell his tale. Legend calls it an epic saga of love, murder, theft, anguish, regret, a dragon and ‘The Cliff of The Lonely Hero’.
|The Cliff of The Lonely Hero|
|Description||Historic site of an infamous Hero vs Dragon fight|
Legend, however, has a tendency to exaggerate the truth - the wandering minstrels that originally composed the saga would have found themselves hungry had they not, ever so slightly, bent the truth 360 degrees.
The saga states that the hero had been sent on a quest to fact check a book of prophecies. As this was an epic quest, the hero found himself in undiscovered territory. After battling many fearsome monsters and looting many lifeless corpses, he kept a Talking Donkey as his pet and named him Boo. The quest had been gruelling but, months later, it was almost complete. In that time, the hero had grown to love his Talking Donkey. They were inseparable and often found themselves talking at length about the deep, burning questions that all heroes ponder, like; “Where is the nearest tavern?”, “Can you smell bacon?” and “What were we just talking about?”
One evening the two companions found themselves on a cliff top, overlooking the most beautiful sunset either of them had ever seen. Golden rays burst through lilac clouds and scattered over the heaving ocean, creating a landscape that would cause even the most cynical of worshippers to get on their knees and thank their god or goddess for the visual bounty they were witnessing. Not wanting to miss a free show, they settled down to eat some food and watch the last of the disco-esque light-fest when they heard an almighty roar and felt the cold breeze created by a pair of giant, leathery wings. Before the hero had time to unsheathe his weapon, the dragon picked up Boo and tossed him over the edge of the cliff onto the jagged rocks far below. Enraged and engulfed by grief, the hero used his most feared and powerful skill upon the unwitting reptile. His heartfelt Cri de coeur was no match for the fire-breather, nor was the hero’s uncanny ability to remove its head by means of a very sharp sword. The lonely hero was found a few hours later staring intently into the ocean towards the bottom of the cliff by a random friend - who just happened to passing. The hero tearfully explained what had just happened and how he needed to find the body of his best friend in order to give him a hero’s burial. Concerned for the hero’s safety - and wanting a free drink - she walked back to Godville with him, found the nearest tavern and they both got completely inebriated, with the hero loudly lamenting his loss and promising to return to the same spot annually to find his lost love. The hero was true to his word. Every year he would return to the same spot to search for his long lost friend. Word soon spread and before long everyone knew about the cliff of the lonely hero.
In actuality, most of those things didn’t happen and have been made up over the years by aforementioned, hungry, wandering minstrels. While it is true that the hero domesticated a talking donkey and called him boo, was on an epic quest and was located atop a cliff with breathtaking scenery when his loss happened. There was no dragon and he wasn’t lamenting the loss of his pet:
After an arduous epic quest - made all the more difficult by an incessantly annoying and constantly hungry Talking Donkey - the hero sits down to enjoy the view and eat a well deserved and most resplendent bacon sandwich when Boo tries to steal it. Not happy with his ‘bloomin’ stupid donkey’ and being slightly more intelligent that it, he held his sandwich high in the air whilst shooing Boo away. A curious seagull that was watching the comical scene below spotted the sandwich. The opportunistic avian seized his chance for glory and for the bacon sandwich, dived, swooped, snatched and flew. Unfortunately for Boo, he was rather dim witted and eagerly chased the speeding bird over the edge of the cliff. In perfect cartoonish response, he stayed there for a second before uttering “uh, oh!” and fell undramatically to his death. The hero fell to his knees, wept and shouted “God Damn You!! Come back with my sandwich!”, but it was too late. The bacon sandwich was gone forever. The hero was, indeed, found by a random friend who returned with him to Godville and the hero did, in fact, return every year to the cliff. He said that he would “..find and kill that bloomin’ seagull, if it’s the last thing I do!” He never did catch that seagull.
As for the cliff. Well, since the minstrels got their hands on the story, the hero has become a bit of a cult hero and the cliff has no more lonely heroes.
When the weather is clement there’s usually at least three amateur dramatic societies re-enacting the infamous ‘dragon head chopping scene followed by the hero’s lament (three hour version)’, much to the boredom of any children that have been dragged along by increasingly embarrassed parents.
There’s usually more than a hundred real and non-real heroes, all posing dramatically for travelling painters who make their wares here, alongside the gift shop, the coffee hut and the overcrowded ‘dragons head’ tavern. Ironically, it’s the café that most people want to visit due to their, five star rated bacon sandwiches.