Tequila Mockingbird

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Monsters of Godville
Tequila Mockingbird
Mimus polyglottos tequilana
Tequila_Mockingbird.jpeg
Class Aves Ebrius
Habitat Desert, town fringes
Description Brutish birdies on a buzz

The Tequila Mockingbird (Mimus polyglottos tequilana) is a monstrous subspecies of the ordinary mockingbird. Unlike its sweetly melodic relative the Tequila Mockingbird is a raucous, alcohol swigging nuisance with a violent nature.

History and Habits

Tequila Mockingbirds originate from the desert, where they once nested on and subsisted off agave plants. With the rise of civilization, they too began seeking adventure and alcohol of a higher proof, so the majority migrated to nearby towns. Staying true to their roots, tequila became the collective beverage of choice. This quickly turned to an addictive obsession, and nowadays they have a reputation as menacing pests. They are driven out of towns with great difficulty, where they lurk about the outer edges waiting to waylay any travelers either for the simple pleasure of a fight or to replenish their tequila stash. If they can't find tequila on their victims, they will eventually retreat and resort to scathing taunts until the victim flees from earshot. Many an unseasoned traveler has been found almost passed out in a puddle of tears, their self-esteem reduced to irredeemable smithereens by ceaseless mocking.

Battle Strategy

Although some Tequila Mockingbirds tend to be loners, most are found in voracious congregations. If a hero is not carrying any tequila and has no desire to fight, the best strategy for escape is to plug the ears, cover the eyes, and book it. If, however, the hero has any tequila on their person or recently drank some within the past week, the Tequila Mockingbirds will certainly sense it and pursue relentlessly. Since the hero will undoubtedly refuse to abandon their liquor, the only recourse is for them to chug it and die happy. Resurrection is easier than winning.

Attributes

Strengths

  • Looks deceivingly harmless
  • Can hold its liquor
  • Witty insults

Weaknesses

  • Can't fly straight
  • Is fond of lawyers
  • Sees only black and white
Birds
Majora Ducktator • Quasidodo
Domestica Ballpoint Penguin
Accipitridae Alter Eagle • Bald Eagle Scout • Desert Eagle • Déjà-Vulture • Faux Hawk • Illeagle • Vegetarian Vulture
Anatidae Asparagoose • Lame Duck • Moby Duck • Peking Duck • Poltergoose • Rubber Duckie • Silly Goose • Sitting Duck • Teraducktyl
Aves Albatrocity • Arctic Firebird • Autoparrot • Binary Canary • Bird of Paradise • Bird of Pray • Early Bird • Flamingo Dancer • Foul Fowl • Henforcer • Hentaur • Jacked Sparrow • Jurassic Lark • Knighting Gale • Lightningale • Low-flying Ostrich • Main Square Parrot • Millennium Falcon • ORLY Owl • Parrot Trooper • Preemptive Shrike • Punk Flamingo • Repelican • Superb Owl • Supersonic Woodpecker • Tae Kwon Dodo • Technical Fowl • Tequila Mockingbird • Tweeting Bird
Columbidae Boxing Dove • Harrier Pigeon • Stool Pigeon
Corvidae Crowbard • Deep Crow • Quid Pro Crow • Scared Crow
Phasianidae Chicken in a Guy Suit • Cold Turkey • Cyborganic Chicken • Fabergé Chicken • Headless Chicken • Heedless Chicken • Jaywalking Chicken • Kung Pow Chicken • Robber Chicken • Robot Chicken • Spring Chicken • Terror-aki Chicken
Spheniscidae Acid-breathing Penguin • Monocled Penguin
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Monsters
Lagers Ale-chemist 🍻 Barbeerian 🍻 Beer Cub 🍻 Beer Golem 🍻 Beer Mugger 🍻 Beerburglar 🍻 Beerkat 🍻 Beerserker 🍻 Beerwolf 🍻 Boartender 🍻 Brewpid the Reindeer 🍻 Diet Sprite 🍻 Drinkerella 🍻 Extra Dry Djinn 🍻 Methylated Spiritualist 🍻 Red Bull 🍻 Tea Rex 🍻 Tequila Mockingbird
Tigers Basement Cat 🐱 Bureau-cat 🐱 Fat Cat 🐱 Meowntain Cat 🐱 Neferkitty 🐱 Photocopycat 🐱 Punk Panther 🐱 Weakest Lynx
Bears Bear Minimum
Oh My! Adminotaur 🏋️ Boozerker 🏋️ Godbuster 🏋️ Thug-of-war 🏋️ Wraptor
Other Articles
Artifacts Bar tab 🍻 Beer-battered beer 🍻 Beer-scented soap 🍻 Bottle of beer from a wall 🍻 Bottle of domesticated beer 🍻 Bottle of holy ale 🍻 Can of ambrosia 🍻 Exclamation pint 🍻 “Free beer” ticket 🍻 Instant beer tablet 🍻 Pint of no return 🍻 Strange brew 🍻 Vanishing pint
Equipment Ancient cork 🍻 Awkward paws 🍻 Bear arms 🍻 Beer goggles
Quests Brew a storm in a teacup 🍻 Sit in a tavern and write fake diary entries
Skills Beer belly 🍻 Lion belch
Taverns All Inn 🍻 The Battle Toad 🍻 Caravanserai 🍻 Progress Bar 🍻 The Rumor Mill 🍻 The Sword & Sandal 🍻 The Whinery