See if the pen really is mightier than the sword
This quest is usually given to the hero by strange men in white coats who don't know what a metaphor is. However, the hero, due to his intelligence, is unable to come up with the answer and so is forced to accept the quest and endure much pain trying to answer this question.
Much of this quest involves running around and waving pens in such a rediculous manner that the monster gives up fighting the hero and instead plays dead, which the hero believes. This creates the false impression that the pen really is mightier than the sword, which is broken when he comes across a monster that won't take such nonsense. Because of this, the quest is a good test for running away in battle.
The requirements for the quest is as follows:
- The hero must have obtained several different types of pen and sword. If he does not have enough gold to do this he must steal them using a pen and a sword separately.
- He must have used the pens and swords in various battle situations. This usually takes place in bars or with monsters (sometimes both), although heroes have been sighted switching between swords and pens in duels.
- Then he must compare the items in non-battle situations. Acceptable non-battle situations involve commercial transactions, pet taming and beer tallying.
- He must have produced a 10000 word essay in pen comparing the might of comparing pens and swords. Then he must copy the essay in sword, and write a smaller 500 word report comparing swords and pens in essay-writing. This is the most difficult part of the quest, as a hero's mind (and feet) is inclined to wander to the nearest bar. Because of this, more sensible heroes travel to the remotest parts of the globe in order to complete their essay, although this does not come without its own problems.
- Finally the hero must deliever the essays to the man in a white coat who had given the quest.
This takes about one day to complete.
Hint: The sword is mightier.