Rail-bending

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Type: Combat skill

To master the sacred and dark secrets of rail bending a hero must have an imposing will, an insurmountable power, and most importantly, a impervious skull.

When rail-bending, a hero must take great care to prepare the body and the mind. First, the hero must take 4.5 deep breaths; any less or any more would be catastrophic. Next the hero must do several back-stretching bows using the full spinal range. The hero must do 2.1 bows per level to ensure the proper dispersal of power. The last step is to bend the rails themselves which is done by arching backwards as far as possible after the last bow and very quickly bringing the head forward to smash it on the rails of the ground while thinking really hard about what the rail should do. Several things can happen from this:

Effects

Levels 1-5

The rails do not budge an inch, the head of the hero now feels like it does when imbibing a Pangalactic Gargleblaster, with similar reactions. First the hero must see a doctor and then begins to suspect being taught a counterfeit skill.

Levels 6-19

A low humming emanates from the rail and the hero's head in a discordant melody, immediate medical attention is still required, but the hero is determined to do it as many times as necessary to achieve the next level of the skill.

Levels 20-25

The rail now vibrates in jarring spasms and often crumbles in on itself, similar results sometimes occur with the hero, but it is usually described as "melty." This can damage the hero's enemy so long as they are in contact with the moving rail.

Level 26-30

In addition to moving, the rail now seeks to attack the enemy, wrapping its metallic coils around them and trying to suffocate them. Despite it being the hero's thoughts that animated the rail they cannot affect its movements, as they are knocked out cold.

Level 31+

After repeated smashing of their own heads against the seemingly impervious rails the hero finally has the bright idea to wear a helmet. This allows them to stay conscious after the initial impact. They now have total autonomous control over the rail for 1-30 minutes and it obeys their every command.