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Monsters of Godville
Porkus astronomicus
Class Lunatic
Habitat Rocky terrain and cheese-and-wine tastings.
Description Varies by observer.

Contrary to popular opinion, the Moonswine (Porkus astronomicus) isn't a harmless ham monster hailing from the Moon.


Moonswine were once considered to be a complementary species to Moon Rabbits[1] living on a cheese moon, but these ideas have recently been abandoned.

Scientists, via trial and error, have ascertained that Moonswine encountering a cheese wheel will, in 110% of instances, snack on it while sipping some alcoholic beverage. New theory says that Moonswine were a cause of Moon Rabbit extinction, possibly as a result of habitat loss through Moonswine expansion.

Life cycle

The Moonswine tend to be rather diminutive in their first stage of life. Only thanks to excesivie eating and drinking is this cute little piggy able to grow into its monstrous size.

Lack of nutrients may cause a specimen to wane a bit, but with the help of a wheel of waxy cheese, it can regain its might quickly.

When a Moonswine dies, it no longer glows and the remains develop a coating of mold.

How to Recognize this Monster

A pig as full of itself as a moon, that drinks as if a moon's gravity manifests in its stomach, and that exerts a tidal pull is likely to be a Moonswine!

"It's plane! It's meteorite! No! It's... a jumping Moonswine! Aaaaaargh-" said the unfortunate heroine who guided scientists on the first expedition to capture one. One witness reported the heroine rising involuntarily from the ground to collide with the descending creature.

A Moonswine charging from its hiding place will have a progressively larger part of its visible surface illuminated, increasing its apparent size, giving it a psychological advantage on first attack.

Varying Description:

Looks like pig that swallowed moon. Or like a moon that has a snout and hooves. Descriptions vary by inebriated observer. Can have big crater-like things on its tummy.

Tips for Battling this Monster:

Moonswine glows with feelings of accomplishment, which can blind a heroine temporarily, so it's best to end fights quickly before the monster can get a taste of victory.[2]

This monster can be overcome with the Infinite Tsukuyomi (even a small one[3]).



  • Glows blindingly when happy.
  • Extra-powerfull under the Moon's shine.[4]
  • Quite dexterous for its size.
  • Can "wreck you like a wrecking ball."


  • Sad when confronted with ham sandwiches.
  • Sensitive about its pocked complexion.
  • Hidden alcoholism.[5]


  1. The Moon Rabbit is a rabbit that lives on the Moon, according to folklore that originated in Bad Gateway and then spread to other Gatewegian cultures. It is often portrayed as a companion of the Moon goddess Chang'e, constantly pounding with a mortar and pestle to make the elixir of life for her. In some cultures, it is seen as a more pedestrian creature, for surely the pounding will result in the ingredients for rice cake.
  2. Victory is sweet, and apparently goes well with cheese.
  3. A colorful printout of Rinne Sharingan will do.
  4. Beware, a full bottle of moonshine and a flashlight makes for a sufficient replacement.
  5. Not so hidden, now.

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