Last Resort

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Towns of Godville
Last Resort
Lastresortemb.jpg
Home milestone: 22
Map abbreviation: LR
Known for: Cheap parties and bad savings, better prayers
Motto: Work hard, play harder


Lastresort.jpg

Introduction

Last Resort is the last and only town in Godville created exclusively as a resort. The Godville Administrator built the resort in a last ditch effort to give heroes a place to relax when they are desperate for a break from fighting monsters. Last Resort was established after several uprisings in neighboring towns where heroes demanded they have a place to go to do absolutely nothing. It is adorned with palm trees, all of which are allowed to grow unchecked.

Game Notes

  • Godpower is easier to get here, but heroes are more likely to ignore voice commands because they are too busy relaxing.

Data

!Hero's Diary
05:43 AM Ah, Last Resort. I remember this place from last time. I hope they don't remember me.

History

Although it retains its original name, the town of Last Resort is in fact the only remaining resort town and is actually in fact the first and last of what was going to be a total of twenty resort towns planned. According to the original maps and blueprint specifications, a different resort town was to be established at each milestone between Godville and mile marker 20 in order to give heroes various opportunities to rest as they journeyed. The founders hoped to simultaneously stake their claim to the chain of resorts and build up interest in the resort concept. Unfortunately, the economic failure of this concept bankrupted the founders who abandoned the resort project and instead devoted their energies to the high-stakes world of upstream salmon races.

Many heroes and heroines come here for vacation as Last Resort is famous for being the only place specifically designed for them to do so. Tales are shared across the land that say the resort has the most relaxing atmosphere and excellent food of any vacation spot in all the land of Godville, conveniently eliminating the fact that again it is literally the last resort that remains. It also has some magnificent specimens of women with absolutely huge tracts of land!

Geography

Last Resort is located 20 milestones from Godville, and is positioned on the banks of the River Stinks.

Distinctive Features

Palm trees, being a symbol of the resort lifestyle, have an elevated level of importance in Last Resort. The rights of palm trees are preserved at the same level as those of humans by constitutional decree. Consequently, ballots for all elections are delivered to each palm tree in Last Resort.

To date, voter turnout for the palm tree population averages only 10%, thanks to politicians in the elections insisting ballots be hand-delivered to the trees along with something that could be used to mark them with. Campaign workers are required to place these items between the branches (only one per tree) and then return in the morning to gather them back together. Most of the ballots are deemed illegible or turned in with hanging chads and unable to be counted; however, any that are accurately completed are faithfully added the ballot box each year in order to assure the trees are given a fair opportunity to vote since they could not travel to the voting booths before they close by themselves. There have been several attempts to submit additional absentree ballots, but these were discovered to be fake - as soon as it was pointed out that palm trees do not travel much. It was discovered to be the work of some disgruntled expatriate coconuts.

Ballots, notices, and other signs were historically nailed to palm trees until that was deemed cruel and unusual punishment. Those heroes who violate this law are restrained under a coconut-laden palm tree for 42 hours in order to give the tree ample opportunity to drop a coconut or two onto its attacker if it so chooses. It is rumored that African and European swallows enjoy carrying the coconuts that can be found here, eventually transplanting trees to new areas that would not typically have them and assuring the sounds of horses galloping can continue to be heard by heroes for years to come.

  Towns (Milestone)
Permanent Godville (0) • Simpletown (5) • Bumchester (14) • Last Resort (22) • Next Station (27) • Beerburgh (35) • Healiopolis (42) • Unsettlement (48) • Trollbridge (55) • Herowin (67) • Los Demonos (74) • El Herado (82) • Monsterdam (93) • Tradeburg (101) • Quirkytown (111) • Los Adminos (128) • Nothingham (146) • Bosswell (151) • San Satanos (176) • Egopolis (199) • Godvillewood (226) • Herolympus (251) • Dogville (287) • Anville (355) • Monstro City (404) • Bad Gateway (502) • Deville (666) • Lostway (757) • Unspecifiedistan (911) • Dessertown (1070) • Herostan (1317) • Newland (1499) • Roflopolis (?) • Heisenburg (HeisenburgMilestone.gif)
Seasonal Laplandville (2)