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Impure thoughts are head equipment. They generally cause looks askance, if shared, and are also in danger of spreading nits. Wash thoroughly, both before and after wearing.
Everyone has them. Impure thoughts, that is. But only heroes and heroines get to wear them as armor.
Have you ever wanted to share a thought for the express purpose of repulsing somebody? Or have you, yourself, been revolted by someone voicing an unpleasant or uncomfortable thought? That's the secret behind this highly versatile and utilitarian piece of protective gear: VocaTech Limited's fine-tuned sensor suite monitors for incoming threats to your cranial space and quickly acts to temporarily disinhibit your desire to speak your dirtiest ideas, resulting in instant hesitation or even retreat by your attacker!
Is your decency filter too tight? Are you worried you'll get sued if you ever truly speak your mind? Do you wish you could think of something to say during a fight? VocaTech Limited's Impure Thoughts head armor is for you! Let your tongue loose from its moral prison, secure in the knowledge that anything you say while wearing this device cannot be used against you in a court of law. With the optional "witty banter" attachment, this armor will even sort through your most impure mental sludge for the funniest repartee it can find, and keep it loaded in your vocal queue.
VocaTech Limited's Impure Thoughts head armor can even help your love life! Long after the romantic part of the evening is over, give a boost to your pillow talk by donning the device. Your partner is guaranteed to blush and giggle.
VocaTech Limited's Impure Thoughts can be worn with any armor combination a hero or heroine desires, and even that combination the hero or heroine is stuck wearing. In some situations Impure Thoughts may even serve to enhance other armored attire.
The Fine Print
- Patent pending.
- VocaTech Limited cannot be held accountable for any slaps, kicks, or other physical assaults the wearer of Impure Thoughts receives if he or she wears the device during the public portion of a date.
- Unexpected results may occur if combined with the "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About CENSORED" brochure.