Glowing Grue

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Monsters of Godville
Glowing Grue
Grue.jpg
Class Mammal
Habitat The darkest places where no sun shall shine.
Description Darkness dwelling beast, with razor-sharp claws and glowing gelatinous fur.
A pack of Glowing Grues.
« It is dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Less likely, a glowing one. »

The glowing grue is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the earth. Its favorite diet is heroes, but its insatiable appetite is tempered by its fear of light, despite its glowing fur; its eyes are on the front of it's head so this does not bother it as long as it does not look down. No grue has ever been seen by the light of day, and few have survived its fearsome jaws to tell the tale. While the juveniles are almost transparent, adults are dark brown and covered with a gelatinous sheath. It is known that grues live in dark places. Some people therefore recommend turning on the lights, as according to legends this will cause the grue to 'melt away.' Clearly this course of action is futile and should not be undertaken by any means. For a start, it is logically impossible for a creature to 'melt away' on exposure to light; notwithstanding, the Great Ice Creature of Neptune. Furthermore, as shown by Darwin, only mutated grues which can survive light will survive, and eventually only these mutant grues will be left, thus leaving the human populace with no weaponry to take them down, so your only choice is to be eaten by the grue.

One characteristic of grue dwellings is that all of them contain an equal quantity of priceless treasure. Nobody knows for certain why this is so. The prevailing theory is that the presence of the treasure provides the grues with a near-constant supply of adventurers to devour. An alternative theory reverses this relationship: since adventurers often carry treasures with them, and grues cannot digest treasure, any treasure found in a grue dwelling is merely detritus from its many meals.

How to Deal with a Grue

  • Die.
  • Scream and die.
  • Scream, struggle, and die.
  • Drink a glass of milk; 2.6% of grues are lactose intolerant so you can be safe in the knowlege that the grue might get diarrhea when it finally gets round to eating you, which is very soon.
  • Use extreme sarcasm, then die.
  • Build a sandcastle. It won't help at all, and you will be eaten, but it is a fun activity.
  • It is a little known fact that grues like hearing haikus. Therefore reciting a haiku to a grue will extend your life by exactly 17 syllables.
  • Use a flashlight or torch to kill it

Attributes

Strengths:

  • Accelerated agility
  • Dagger-like teeth
  • Only encountered where it is dark, so you cannot see them

Weaknesses:

  • Intense aversion to sunlight
  • The probability that you will not be eaten by one
  • Extremely bright lights will scare it away, sometimes