Fat Cat

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Monsters of Godville
Fat Cat
Catus fatus
Class Feline
Habitat On your lap.
Description Slightly-overweight good kitty. [1]

The Fat Cat (Catus fatus) isn't really a monster. Just a cat. That is fat. Honestly, why heroes and heroines cannot overcome them...


The history of Catus fatus starts in the most ancient times. They accompanied humanity as long as there were mice in granaries and sweet cream to steal. They were often seen in company of kings, emperors, and even Gods.

Ancient Egoptian papyrus showing a time when Fat Cats weren't totally unhelpful yet.

In Early Egoptian times, when the cats weren't known as "fat," yet, the people of Great River started to worship them and shower them with adoration, luxuries, and tasty treats. From snack to snack, and Fat Cats came to be as we now know them.

In Ancient Grease, they were often invited to wild orgies, where they served as puffy pillows for unconscious[3] drunkards. There is a rumour that the most favoured tiger skin cushion of Dionysus [4] was in fact a very much alive, but lazy, Fat Cat.

Fat Cat in company of his faithful minion, Napoleon Bonaparte.[5]

In later ages, after the fall of the empires, Fat Cats tried to find suitable company to grace with their presence and were unsurprisingly glad for hedonism, decadency, and dandyism.

Fat Cat vs. Heroes

How to Recognize this Monster:

It is a massive, gargantuan, purring machine of smashing destruction. It doesn't know its own strength. Or weight. Fat Cat has a habit of sitting on heroic laps to be patted and accidentally crushing the captive to death.

Other Distinguishing Features:

Comes in all colors, but one shape: round.

Tips for Battling this Monster:

A good tactic to defeat this monster is to lure it near steep slope and give it a little nudge.



  • Their luxuriously soft fur can distract even the most hardened heroine.
  • Very resilient.
  • Cannot be moved.
  • Too self-absorbed to care.


  • Catnip pie.
  • That last piece of pizza pie.
  • Actually, any pie.
  • Scratches behind ears.
  • A bundle of yarn.


  1. Renaissance painting "Fat Cat with a Mirror" by Titian
  2. Frans Hals, "Merrymakers at Shrovetide."
  3. And unconscientious.
  4. Well-known to any hero as god of uncontrolled partying.
  5. Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres, "Napoleon I as the Imperial Throne for the Cat."
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