Exclamation pint

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Artifacts of Godville
Exclamation pint
Exclamation Pint.png
Type Normal
Description A tankard of libation for every celebration.
Value 80 gold coins

Exclamation pint” refers to both the tankard and its contents, either and both of which have the peculiar property of causing the partaker to shout expressions like “cheers,” “mazeltov,” “hoy,” and “ooo-rah” prior to imbibing.

History

Records unearthed in Monstro City[1] attribute the first discovery of exclamation pints to a rather gloomy heroine whose name has been lost to history. Per the translated portions of the monstreiform tablets, she spent her days in sullen silence, viewing the world with a baleful glare, and mastering the disapproving arch of her liana eyebrows. She only spoke to the shopkeepers and bartenders, and then simply to profess the opinion that her god delighted in her misery and that every cloud actually had a leaden lining.

This heroine specialized in hunting the Master of Disaster.[2] One day, as she struck her quarry down with a mighty vengeance, a clinking, transparent, slightly glowing tankard rolled from its grasp. The heroine picked the tankard up, and immediately knew that no merchant would ever buy it from her, since the golden glow must mean there was something wrong with it, like radioactivity. She clipped it to her belt, next to her hip flask, rather than putting it in her pack as loot, and kicked the monster’s carcass for not carrying anything valuable.

When next the heroine entered a tavern, she pushed the tankard toward the bartender with instructions to, “Fill ‘er up.” Then she retreated to one end of the bar to brood into her beer.

A newly minted hero, shining with the optimism of innocence, waltzed into the tavern and threw himself onto the stool beside the gloomy heroine. She edged as far away on her own stool as she could get.

“Isn’t this just the best day?” the new hero asked. “It’s great to be alive!”

The gloomy heroine cringed and tried to sip her beer to pretend she hadn’t heard him. Instead, she found her arm dragged into the air by the tankard, and her mouth shouting, “Hear, hear!” She almost choked on the swig of beer she took involuntarily.

“You know,” said the new hero, leaning closer, “the very best god chose me as a hero, today.”

“Mazeltov!” shouted the gloomy heroine, again involuntarily, as she tried to drink another mouthful to steady herself.

“You know something else?” The new hero batted his eyes and continued, “You’re really pretty.”

The gloomy heroine tried to toss back the rest of her beer so she could get out of the situation, but instead found herself toasting her enthusiastic companion with a loud, “Cheers!”

The gloomy heroine screamed, threw the tankard on the bar top, and fled over the hills, never to be seen again. The new hero frowned after her.

“What did I say?” he asked the bartender.

The bartender shrugged, and surreptitiously added the exclamation pint to his collection of servingware.

Composition

The labs at the Lostway Academy gathered a sample set of exclamation pints, and conducted destructive testing on them to see what they were made of and if they might be replicated. Study continues, but posted results of the analysis show the following:[3]

  • Body: variously rock crystal, quartz, and diamond.
  • Handle: enchanted tentacle of the Royal Jellyfish.
  • Lid: variously cockles of a Clam Before the Storm’s heart, and the toe of a glass slipper.

Trading Tips

  • It’s rumored that a certain hero-trader will pay top gold for a matching service of twenty exclamation pints.
  • Beware of the bootleg knock-off that is sometimes offered as an exclamation pint. Interrobang pints are worth less than half what a seller can expect for a genuine exclamation pint.

References

  1. Revelations of the High Street Dig Tablets, temporary exhibit in the Library of Monstro City, curated by Vector Field University, 3000 g.e.
  2. Tablet fragment 46.a may have explained why this was the case, but a jagged crack bisects it and obscures much of the text.
  3. Chantilly, Dr. Remington. Psychology of a Sip: What’s in an Exclamation Pint? The Lostway Academy Bulletin. Lostway, 947 g.e.
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