Dream sweetener

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Artifacts of Godville
Dream sweetener
Type 💎Bold
Description Often mistaken for coffee creamer.

Often stored in a canister the same size and shape as artificial creamer for tea and coffee, the substance known as dream sweetener is a highly-sought therapeutic substance distilled from the appreciative sighs of jackalopes watching the aurora godvealis while getting scratched between the ears by Morpheus.


Dream sweetener has been the subject of several lawsuits litigated by barbeerians working pro bono over the years. If they ever manage to track down the person who makes dream sweetener, that person will have a severe backlog of legal fines for "misleading packaging" and "trademark infringement," because the substance looks very like coffee creamer to the unsuspecting and unobservant.[1] Where creamer is so often added to coffee to help the imbiber remain awake, dream sweetener will cause the consumer to fall asleep and have such blissful and engaging dreams that he or she would much rather go back to sleep on waking.

Despite the difficulties and mistakes that its packaging causes, dream sweetener is actually a dearly-sought and highly valuable therapeutic aid. In moderated doses, it is provided to PTSD-sufferers to allow them sleep without nightmares. In larger doses, it is sometimes given to insomniacs who have paced themselves to exhaustion. And in the heaviest doses, it anesthetizes those undergoing major surgery, occasionally even inducing a medical coma. It is widely respected, as it ensures that no patient suffers, whether awake or asleep.

Origins and Production Methods

How dream sweetener is produced, put in canisters, and delivered to the shelves of grocers and merchants across Godville is as much a mystery as the identity of the producer. However, destructive investigations have revealed it to have a celestial component, a fanciful component, and a component defined by the mythology of sleep. The celestial component has been identified as an aurora, probably the aurora godvealis and not the aurora monstralis. The fanciful component would suggest some form of non-monster creature, and such theories as a unikelpie, the one that got away, and pink elephants have been advanced, but none of these have been found to precisely fit the recipe, yet. The best fit is a jackalope.

The component defined by the mythology of sleep has twice been successfully identified. Prior to 14 g.e., the producer of dream sweetener was using the Sandman. Unfortunately, the Sandman is known to have had a misunderstanding with one of the Earth Mothers[2] around this time, and subsequently mishandled his own sand. With the Sandman pulling a Rip Van Winkle, the producer of dream sweetener shifted to a substitute component. A very helpful Firefox has noted that dream sweetener now tastes of hot toddy, rather than the warm milk associated with the Sandman, and hot toddies are connected with Morpheus.

The working hypothesis for dream sweetener production is that a jackalope watching the aurora godvealis receives a soothing scritching between the ears from Morpheus, and sighs. The sigh is captured and refined into a physical substance, and packaged in recycled creamer canisters.

Command Results

The Dream sweetener, when combined with a Destruction manual, will produce a Diamond in the rough.

Sales Tip

If a hero in possession of dream sweetener wishes, he may engineer a bidding war between several doctors, dentists, and psychologists, and thereby drive the price up to record-setting levels. However, with all of the import and export restrictions on powerful medicine, most heroes generally find it more beneficial to sell the canister to a trader and let that merchant deal with all of the paperwork.

References and Footnotes

  1. The gnomes of Sleepless Hollow are the most frequent victims.
  2. Neither Terra nor Remauna have been seen since the same time, and Versiga is not speaking on the subject, so the precise Eart Mother's identity remains obscured.