Cult of RNGpernus

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At a time not so long ago, a great war of RNGesus and RNGsatan raged. They both were equally powerful, the only thing that could destroy the balance of power, was an artifact of unknown origin, the RNGpernus. As the armies of angels and demons clashed, the artifact was lost, dropped down to the puny place. Known as the godville.

Two heroes were fighting a treacherous double dragon, unaware of the danger coming from above. Suddenly a flash from the sky and the menacing double dragon disappears in a great dust cloud. When the dust settles, they see a massive crater, at the monsters place, where a strange looking object lies at the bottom. They glance at the sky in disbelief, when the clouds suddenly formed letters that spelled "take the artifact and bring it to the nearby abandoned temple". Our brave(ish) heroes Makez and Nizkanen hurried down the crater's hillside to grab the object as the cloudy letters advised.

As they went to raise the moderately big object, it weighted a lot less than Makez and Nizkanen had expected. So they lifted it up with ease. Spotting the huge abandoned ancient temple ruins was a task easy enough. When the fearless duo reached the temple, there was an echo: "place it at the pedestal, and I will enlighten you". Makez and Nizkanen, being good heroes, did as they were told. A gentle voice echoed: "Good, you have done me a great service! The artifact you have there is THE RNGpernus, a magical artifact of magnificent power" *Nizkanen slowly tries to take the artifact back* "Power that may only be harnessed by immortal overgods." *Nizkanen stops and his face glows with a faint red colour* "You, my heroes. Must do what ever it takes to keep the artifact safe. And never let the evil RNGsatan take hold of it. Because if that happens... All life in godville will be in danger. RNGpernus is used to control RNG, the ultimate power. If RNGsatan gets it she will use it to turn all RNG bad. Making everyone die in the most unpredictable and unlikely ways. Me, RNGesus used to use the artifact to bless all heroes with equal good and bad luck, always slightly more with good." Makez encourages himself to ask: "so, what do you want us to do now?" Before Makez can finish his sentence, the ground shakes and the temple trembles a bit. "RNGsatan she knows your here! Quickly, take the RNGpernus and enter this portal, just think where you want to go and it will take you there" Nizkanen responds: "With haste!" As he grabs the artifact and runs towards the portal, Makez by his side. The temple floor shatters below their feet. They jump in to the portal right as columns of hissing lava shoot out of the cracks. They appear in Beerburgh's tavern, both still shocked of the events and Nizkanen still squeesing the artifact. The people in the bar stared at them in disbelief as they slowly tried to make as smooth exit as possible.

They took the RNGpernus to the safest place they knew, to an old forgotten guild's guildhall under the town. The best way they knew to ensure something to stay safe was to get a lot of people protecting it. So, Makez and Nizkanen ripped the old rotten sign saying "Munkittajat" of the wall and put a new one spelling "Cult of RNGpernus". Makez and Nizkanen then went recruiting in the town, told all their friends and mates to join to the new guild that worshipped a mysterious artifact. After they had chosen the few persons they thought to be loyal and worthy enough. They told them their story of the artifact and how important was to keep it safe. Makez and Nizkanen also told that they thought that maybe one day RNGesus may come to get it back. Until then it must remain hidden and safe. But little did they know that evil already knew of their plans...

Word of a new mysterious guild "Cult of RNGpernus" quickly spred through Beerburg and directed from RNGsatan's worshippers to the RNGsatan herself. Night came, whole Beerburgh was asleep, exept for the citizents that were in the bars, which included almost everyone. Nizkanen and Makez were sleeping at the floor of the guildhall, resting after a hard day, but Makez just couldn't get asleep so he decided to pay a visit to the tavern. It was awfully dark and very late when he went inside the bar. Everything looked perfectly normal exept that the bartender was dressed in deep black cloak and a hood of same colour. Being very drowsy, Makez ignored the man's strange appearance and ordered a FMLager as he was not a rookie and was feeling a bit down. As the drink arrived he took a sip resulting in a half empty glass. Suddenly he became to feel very odd and started to search for the bartender with his eyes, to ask him what he had put in the drink. Oddly enough he was nowhere to be found. So as Makez was about to finish this foul drink, he saw the foam in the beer spell out: "RNGsatan has U" Makez shrieked in fear and ran out of the tavern to alert Nizkanen of a possible danger. But halfway there he lost control of his legs and collapsed on his knees on the ground, unable to move. "You insignificant mortal, I, RNGsatan, am your god now! I took the place of your previous god as he has been away for 2 years now! *maniacal laughter*" echoed loudly in Makez' head. "And now YOU shall bring me the RNGpernus or I will make your guild cave collapse, as well as half of Beerburgh with it! Oh, and if you disagree I will do it right away and your dear friend will be trapped in the collapsed cave ruins for the rest of his puny existence! Also if you are foolish enough to underestimate my superiority and try to evacuate the town, I will also make sure personally that your beloved RNGesus will die, as I will pay her a visit. Go now, bring the RNGpernus to the outskirts of forest of doom at dawn. Or face the consequences." Makez felt as he gained control of his limbs and frantically ran to wake Nizkanen up.

As Makez had explained to Nizkanen how severe the situation was, they began to think of a plan for how to survive and not destroy Beerburgh nor the world in the process. Time was running low as they were past midnight already. Their hard thinking was distrupted with a voice: "RNGsatan.... he was here. He stole a powerful amulet, which lets him to enter your world, so he can come and get the RNGpernus. Do not let her get it. You my heroes will have to destroy that amulet once he gets to the surface, and he will return to the abyss where she belongs!" RNGesus' voice sounded tired and desperate. "B-but how?!" both heroes cried out at the same time. But there was no answer.

As they saw the sun creeping up below the horizon, they had already waited for an hour or two ready nearby the forest of doom. Their plan was questionable to say the least. But Makez and Nizkanen were convinced this was the only way to destroy the amulet. Minutes ticked by, Makez stared at the rising sun, holding the RNGpernus firmly, Nizkanen by his side. When the Earth begun to move, Makez nodded to Nizkanen to move into position. Nizkanen ran behing a big bush not too far from Makez. The ground started to erupt small sprouts of lava as the shaking intensified. Then the ground shattered spitting small bits of lava everywhere. In the hole, halfway submerged to a pool of lava, was this fiery enormous womanish figure, RNGsatan. Wearing a golden amulet with a huge ruby embedded in it. "So we meet at last puny "hero", you have no idea how much extra work I have had to do because of you. Now, just give me the RNGpernus and I will let you, Beerburgh and your friend live, probably." Makez responds confidently: "No". RNGsatan shouts in disbelief: "What? Do you really believe it would be this EASY? If you won't give it to me I will take it from you!" Makez starts running away from RNGsatan, as she shoots a massive fireball towards him. Makez turns around grabbing his shield from his back and blocks it, just in time. The force of the impact throws Makez to the ground and before he can get up, he feels two fiery fingers burning and grabbing him from his leg. "Hah, gotcha" Nizkanen looks from the bush concerned as his friend rises high in the sky. But Makez, using all his might, throws the RNGpernus down to Nizkanen. It lands nearby of the bush. RNGsatan notices this and shoots a fireball at Nizkanen but it just hits the bush, burning it away, revealing a catapult. Nizkanen quickly loads it with the RNGpernus, launching it straight at the amulet. Before RNGsatan can react RNGpernus hits the amulet deadcenter and shatters it, generating a loud *BOOOM* and staggering her. The hole starts filling rapidly, sucking RNGsatan with it. She utters "NOOOOOOOO! This cannot be!" As she smashes his hands on the ground, flinging Makez forwards couple of feet off the ground. RNGsatan tries to grab anything that could slow her descent, all that he can grab is the catapult, which Nizkanen is standing too close to. Taking him with it too. The power of the hole is too powerful even to RNGsatan and she gets sucked in to the ever smaller hole. As a last resort, she reaches her fiery hand attempting to take hold of the edge of the hole, simultaniously letting go from the catapult and Nizkanen. Throwing him just above the surface right when the hole closes, burying him knee deep in dirt. Deep silence descents. Makez comes to his senses and runs to unconscious Nizkanen to dig him up. Makez drags him to a hospital's lobby and collapses on the floor.

Once we were fully healed and healthy. We remembered about the RNGpernus, and started to wonder what happened to it. Cold chills went down our spine, when we thought about it dropping down the hole with RNGsatan. We ran, as fast as we could, at the forest. We saw the hole, where Nizkanen got buried knee deep, and we knew we were at the right place. We searched for a long time, leaving no stone unturned. But when we were convinced it was not under any rock, we glanced at a tree top and noticed RNGpernus tangled, quite high up in the branches. Nizkanen used his superior climbing skills, only falling down 9 times. Once Nizkanen had succesfully restored the RNGpernus, we took it back to the guild hall's safe, for safe keeping. We found our newly recruited recruits in the main hall, who had just woken up, and haven't even realized that we weren't there, till we walked through the door. We then made all members to swore a vow to protect the RNGpernus forever till RNGesus comes to get it back. So he can continue his work to share equally good RNG to everyone. We started calling ourselves The RNGwarriors, protecters of RNGpernus. We then started to recruit actively loyal members for our guild's holy cause. The question is, do you have what it takes to became one of us?


If you read that all, good job!

Also, if you didn't get the references don't worry. They are from Nizkanen's and my life/games we play or played.

If you want to become one of the RNGwarriors just give your hero the command to Join "Cult of RNGpernus"

Guild founded by Giant Pernus(Nizkanen) and Guild's lore by RNGsatan(Makez)