Bumpkin Coalition

From GodWiki
Jump to: navigation, search

The Bumpkin Coalition is a ragtag team of the greatest heroes the residents of Godville have never heard of.

They presently hold an informal alliance with Guild Name, largely due to the shared culture of the two institutions.


The guild was founded sometime between the creation of the first ark and now. Rumors suggest that the guild was created when a group of heros agreed to band together to find unity in there mutual confusion. However, after a series of unfortunate events involving 3 heroes getting lost, a sentient toaster and a carnivorous squirrel, the heroes never commenced their first meeting. Thus, the guild was born.

Attempts to confirm the authenticity of this story with contemporary guild members has unfortunately resulted only in disorientation and acute nausea. Each guild member recounts a wildly differing version of the formation of the Bumpkin Coalition. One interviewed guild member spoke of how a group of heroes accidently began the community by congregating around an abandoned campsite, thinking it was a new town. Another guild member was unaware of the existence of the guild as well as his membership, and further attempts at questioning resulted in the hero fleeing the scene by cartwheeling themself into the town well.

Notable Achievements

The most notable achievement of the Bumpkin Coalition is their continued existence. Scientists and philosophers alike are perplexed as to how a group of heroes with wildly differing ideas as to the culture, history, purpose and organisation of the guild manage to stick together at all.

When asked to give an opinion on their guild, Bumpkins have responded with:

"We're tough, we're rough and we know our stuff!"

"I joined this guild to improve my literacy, unfortunately, no one really knows how to read."

"We're the most bloodthirsty savages this side of Monsterdam!"


"I thought this was the Harvest Moon guild?"

During the Christmas season some years back, members of the Bumpkin Coalition were unknowingly involved in the one of the largest scale bank robberies ever to strike The Bank of Godville. Under the pretense of loading Santa's cart with presents and the incentive of free beer, the heroes were persuaded to haul an estimated 1,000 sacks of gold from a hole in the vault of the Bank of Godville to an escape vehicle some 150 metres away. While just less than a dozen heroes participated in the robbery, the vault was emptied in five minutes and thirty six seconds, as proclaimed by one of the collaborators, a proud grin on their face.

Further questioning of witnesses and conspirators were inconclusive.


Attempts at estimating the total membership of the Bumpkin Coalition have caused analysts, mathematicians, surveyors and researchers alike to either abandon the task or plead insanity.

The issue allegedly lies on the fact that members are not always aware of their membership and that the dazed looks and slurred speech, characteristic of a Bumpkin Coalition hero, are found in almost every other hero in Godville.

This has caused some to speculate that the Bumpkin Coalition might not be a real guild at all but might exist as an archetype in the subconscious of heroes everywhere. This dilemma suggests that the Bumpkin Coalition might actually be a phenomenon somewhat akin to Schrödinger's Cat, in the sense that every hero is simultaneously a member and not a member until that are asked about their guild status. This in turn provokes deeper questions into the nature of hero guilds and hero culture that lie beyond the scope of this article.