Book of unwritten laws
A constant lament of heroes, both new and experienced, is the curious need for a comprehensive Book of Unwritten Laws for successful campaigning. Nine out of ten heroes define a successful campaign not as winning a battle, but as fastest accumulation of free beer, experience, and loot (golden bricks optional). To this end, scholar extraordinaire Douglas Lovebird, after 39 years of diligent research on the field and extensive interviews with heroes, has published The Book of Unwritten Laws.
(A special thanks to Molotov's Cocktail Bar, The Drunken Clam and The Restaurant at the end of Godville for subsidizing Scholar Lovebird's work, by providing 2-for-1 happy hours and reserved space at the bar).
Contents of the Book
This tome includes adventuring gems such as:
- How to avoid paying customs fees;
- How to get free treatment at spas;
- The best place to get free equipment.
Heroes tend to skip these sections, going straight to:
- Tips on being found dead in a more heroic pose;
- Best beaches of the Sacred Archipelago;
- Towns with most tolerance for public indecency;
- Bakers who kindly offer a hasty bite of a fresh bun to a hero being run out by a mob.
The book is, by its esoteric nature, too powerful to be read by a mortal who has no personal deity for guidance. To hide this knowledge from the un-heroic commoners of Godville, Scholar Lovebird wrote the book in special script: it can only be read by someone who is, as the writer was at the time, at least three sheets to the wind.