Beerserker

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Monsters of Godville
Beerserker
Beruseruku bersërkr
Beerserk.gif ‎
Class Humanoid
Habitat Near brewhouses and beer stores.
Description Fearsome, beersome warrior.
Totem for The Cyberfunks

The Beerserker (Beruseruku bersërkr) is a monster that draws its power from beer. It is said that the beer became its god and it needs the favour of no one else.

Origins

Stories of Beerserkers (Beruseruku bersërkr) are as old as beer itself, in tales of heroes and heroines who forgot about their patron deities in bouts of alcoholic ecstasy, and in whispers of warriors so deprived of alcohol during their AA meetings that at the barest mentions of beer they go into uncontrollable rage.

The most well-documented story tells of a beer brewer whose devotion to beer ran so deep that he denounced all gods except Beer. In punishment, the god of parties, Dionysus, drove the brewer from his brewhouses and forbade him to make his own beer. This lost brewer couldn't take separation from his beloved distillation, so he swore vengance upon Dionysus and all who drink beer. He became the first beer-seeking warrior whose only ambition was to rob beer-drinkers of their liquid estates.

How to Recognize this Monster

Beerserker replenishing his beer-belly

When a heroine sees a tubby warrior barreling towards her with an empty tankard and an expression of greed and rage on its face, there is only one answer: Beerserker.

Wiser Beerserkers never leave home without a tun of beer.

The beerless Beerserker is almost unrecognizable, in contrast. It appears as a rather docile, if large in stature, horned warrior who follows {{hero or heroine} with a hopeful expression. But do not be fooled by its placidness! This tactic leads a lost Beerserker to the nearest tavern and lets it regain its power!

Other Distinguishing Features:

  • Beerserkers often don traditional beerserking garb, consisting of a horned helmet, mugs for ale, and sometimes a hop necklace.
  • The horns on a Beerserker's helmet can be unscrewed and contain emergency beer.

Tips for Battling Stray Beerserkers

There are two techniques that work against a Beerserker:

  • The first method requires the heroine to relinquish all her beer possessions, so Beerserker is busy drinking and leaves her alone. All beer connoisseurs agree that the flavour of even bad beer is better than the old, faint beer scent that heroes and heroines exude.

As heroes and heroines never use first method:

  • The second method requires the heroine to fight to the last drop of beer. Heroines protective of their beer can be vicious, and usually have a 50% survival rate.

Attributes

Strengths

  • When smelling fresh beer, goes into uncontrollable rage.
  • Ingestion of beer gives each the strength of ten beer kegs barreling towards the heroine at high speed.
  • May become a Boozerker upon death.

Weaknesses

  • Watered down beer similarly dilutes the Beerserker's strength.
  • Growing immunity to beer's effects due to exposure.
  • When in a rage, may spill beer and cry over it.
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Monsters
Lagers Ale-chemist 🍻 Barbeerian 🍻 Beer Cub 🍻 Beer Golem 🍻 Beer Mugger 🍻 Beerburglar 🍻 Beerkat 🍻 Beerserker 🍻 Beerwolf 🍻 Boartender 🍻 Brewpid the Reindeer 🍻 Diet Sprite 🍻 Drinkerella 🍻 Extra Dry Djinn 🍻 Methylated Spiritualist 🍻 Red Bull 🍻 Tea Rex 🍻 Tequila Mockingbird
Tigers Basement Cat 🐱 Bureau-cat 🐱 Fat Cat 🐱 Meowntain Cat 🐱 Neferkitty 🐱 Photocopycat 🐱 Punk Panther 🐱 Weakest Lynx
Bears Bear Minimum
Oh My! Adminotaur 🏋️ Boozerker 🏋️ Godbuster 🏋️ Thug-of-war 🏋️ Wraptor
Other Articles
Artifacts Bar tab 🍻 Beer-battered beer 🍻 Beer-scented soap 🍻 Bottle of beer from a wall 🍻 Bottle of domesticated beer 🍻 Bottle of holy ale 🍻 Can of ambrosia 🍻 Exclamation pint 🍻 “Free beer” ticket 🍻 Instant beer tablet 🍻 Pint of no return 🍻 Strange brew 🍻 Vanishing pint
Equipment Ancient cork 🍻 Awkward paws 🍻 Bear arms 🍻 Beer goggles
Quests Brew a storm in a teacup 🍻 Sit in a tavern and write fake diary entries
Skills Beer belly 🍻 Lion belch
Taverns All Inn 🍻 The Battle Toad 🍻 Caravanserai 🍻 Progress Bar 🍻 The Rumor Mill 🍻 The Sword & Sandal 🍻 The Whinery