Beerburgh

From GodWiki
(Redirected from Beerburg)
Jump to: navigation, search
Towns of Godville
Beerburgh
Berremb.jpg
Home milestone: 35
Map abbreviation: BB
Known for: Lavish parties and good savings, weaker prayers
Motto: Senses Never Forget!


Bb.jpg

Beerburgh, officially the Hamlet of Beerburgh, is located at the junction of the River Kraktor and the River Stinks and is considered the 6th most populated city of the known realms. It has a population of almost 3,000 with this number ballooning to over 8,000 during the Beer Festival months. Most of the buildings that dot the hamlet are either breweries or inns with microbreweries, making this town the highest per capita density of intoxicated people.

Game Notes

  • Heroes waste more money here than usual (but heroes with temples will also save more money toward retirement here).

Data

Heroes are more prone to wasting money on alcoholic drinks in this town than in any other, usually in the region of 50-99% of their Gold.

Due to this, an Aura of abstinence is needed to visit this town without any risk due to the fact it blocks the temptation of beer.

!Hero's Diary
21:11 Passed by a billboard with words on it: 'Beerburgh - non-drinking heroes wanted'

History

Beerburgh used to be an Elvish settlement known as Kheebler populated by peaceful Elves intent on baking superfluous amounts of baked goods. In the Great Elf-Dwarf War, the Dwarves doped the baked goods with Dwarven Ale, the most potent form of alcoholic beverage in existence. While the Elves were in a drunken stupor after eating the doped cookies, the Dwarves invaded and easily captured the hamlet.

Converting the bakeries into breweries, the Dwarves renamed the settlement Beerburgh in honor of their resounding victory over the intoxicated Elves. While the Dwarves were drunk celebrating their victory, however, the Humans stealthily invaded and quickly captured the town from under their noses. Since then, the town has become the bastion of beer and other alcoholic beverages in the known worlds with some of the strongest lager being available in copious amounts and exported on a monthly basis to other settlements throughout the realms.

Some 300 years ago, a character calling himself the Terrible Toy Tinker attempted to siege Beerburgh, but was thwarted by several of the local lamplighters who torched his army of wooden toys in the middle of the night. These lamplighters would go on to found the Ashbringer's Garrison. While the Terrible Toy Tinker escaped the event, it is not known what came of him in the years since.

This event, later called the Tinker's Flame, was the most dangerous thing to ever happen in Beerburgh for about 275 years. When that time went by, another tragedy occurred. This was to be known as the Draught of Sobriety. It happened like this: One day, a brewer visited his brewery, when to his alarm, he found out that he was out of beer. So, he rushed over to his neighbor and was shocked to find that they were in the same predicament! Together, they ran around town and found out that everyone in the town was out of beer! This was eventually solved when a traveling merchant with several hundred gallons of beer passing through was brutally assaulted and killed in order to take his beer, however, the town was never quite the same.

A typical Beerburgh tavern

Geography

The Hamlet of Beerburgh resides in a hilly, uneven landscape flanked by the River Kraktor, a commercial transit highway that delivers the precious lager to Tradeburg where it is sold, and the River Stinks, the longest river in the world that brings all sorts of refuse south to the Qu'tox Ocean. The western portion is somewhat more elevated than the eastern portion of the hamlet, a geographic feature that promotes stumbling and eventually falling down especially when intoxicated.

Distinctive Features

Beerburgh is best known for three distinctive varieties of beer: LOLager, ROFLager and FMLager. LOLager being the tamest while FMLager having the notoriety of putting even the stoutest warrior under the table. The tourist trade in Beerburgh is very strong with a particular surge of visitors during the beer months, particularly October and November. Most of these tourists often have to cut their vacations short, however, as their copious consumption of ale often leaves them penniless within days.

The Mayor

Beerburgh residents are very weary of people who are sober more than an hour a day and therefore people who are qualified to hold an office never get elected in Beerburgh. However of the 3,000 normal residents few actually give a darn about politics and those who do are really just lying to themselves. Elections only occur in Beerburgh when there are at least two candidates. So hence it took forever for the previous mayor to retire. He did finally after a man played a drunken prank on a friend. The friend in exchange bet 500 gold bricks that the man couldn't become mayor of Beerburgh and so he entered the race. Both friends laughed it out over five pints of FMLager each. The elections were held the next day while they were completely incapacitated. The election was close; the man won by one vote. Some drunken bum came into the voting office looking for a restroom and the man's ballet box hole was good enough. What he left was also good enough to count as a vote, the only one. He got his bricks along with the worst job in town. Analysts predict that he will be mayor for life as no two people are expected to run at the same time within his lifespan. Lucky for him, he often gets intoxicated enough that he will eat anything which could potentially lead to being lethal. However with heroes always trying to promote their guilds, it is unlikely that he will ever die as easily as just choking.

!Hero's Diary
06:00 The mayor of Beerburgh suddenly started choking during a public ceremony. I leapt from the crowd, yelled out 'Not on 'guild's watch!' and performed the Heimlich maneuver until the mayor coughed up a leprechaun and started to breathe again. They'll remember our guild around here, that's for sure.
  Towns (Milestone)
Permanent Godville (0) • Simpletown (5) • Bumchester (14) • Last Resort (22) • Next Station (27) • Beerburgh (35) • Healiopolis (42) • Unsettlement (48) • Trollbridge (55) • Herowin (67) • Los Demonos (74) • El Herado (82) • Monsterdam (93) • Tradeburg (101) • Quirkytown (111) • Los Adminos (128) • Nothingham (146) • Bosswell (151) • San Satanos (176) • Egopolis (199) • Godvillewood (226) • Herolympus (251) • Dogville (287) • Anville (355) • Monstro City (404) • Bad Gateway (502) • Deville (666) • Lostway (757) • Unspecifiedistan (911) • Dessertown (1070) • Herostan (1317) • Newland (1499) • Roflopolis (?) • Heisenburg (HeisenburgMilestone.gif)
Seasonal Laplandville (2)