Beer goggles

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Equipment of Godville
Beer goggles
Beer_goggles_on_hero.jpg
Description Chaotic creations of confusion
Worn ๐ŸงขHead
The following is an extract from Thee Auspischiousse Almanaccke offe Aloysius de Biere, Genettelmanne Skhollarre, 142 g.e. edition. Reproduced with the kind permission of The Upper Egopolis Egoptology and Esoterica Society. Some editing for clarity and modernized spelling was required.

Beer goggles are a piece of equipment worn on the head and face, enchanted with chaotic magics. They are created in the secret Jagged Peaks ateliers of the Malicious Monks of Smee Hee. Capricious and mischievous in nature, the Malicious Monks delight in producing magical objects with unpredictable effects.

Construction

Glasses construction.jpg

By using a variety of different lens materials, combined with chaotic enchantments, no two sets of beer goggles are ever created alike, nor have exactly the same effects. Even the same set of beer goggles will behave differently on different wearers, or on different days.

Beer goggles on display.jpg

It is possible to make some prediction of the tendencies that a set of beer goggles will display. A careful (and expensive) examination by a skilled gizmologist or apparatist may be able to discern something of the materials used,[1] and an aurologist's divination may give insight into the equipment's chromato-chaotic enchantments.[2]

While it is not advisable for the amateur assayist to attempt to analyze the attributes of the average set of beer goggles, the tables below may assist the hobbyist collector in a simple survey. Each lens will be made of a different material, with often several different glass sources mixed together in a single lens,[3] so a complete analysis is challenging.

Lens material Effect
1x magnifying glass At occasional intervals, the true nature of the world is revealed to the wearer, and immediately forgotten.
Double-barreled shot glass The wearer feels an irresistible impulse to repeat everything they say. It is likely that words or phrases that they say will be repeated. Possibly, they may feel the urge to paraphrase things more than twice.
Glass eye Anyone speaking to the wearer has the unnerving impression the wearer is staring at their ears.
Glass jaw The wearer constantly starts fights with complete strangers, and constantly complains that everyone is out to get them.
Hourglass figure At occasional intervals, the wearer's usual self-esteem is inverted. Brazen confidence transforms into wracking insecurity, and vice versa.
Half-full glass At occasional intervals, the wearer's usual optimism or pessimism are inverted.
Ill-tempered glass The wearer will become vexed and irascible without provocation.
Minimizing glass The wearer will make every attempt to avoid paying their fair share of a joint activity.
Moonglasses The wearer will unpredictably be moved to disrobe in public, particularly if near a fountain at night.
Pane in the glass A profound and unshakeable gloominess will fall upon the wearer, which they will be utterly incapable of not talking about constantly. Especially potent when mixed with half-full glass (above), leading to bouts of manic hysteria.
Perplexiglass The simplest of tasks will at times utterly stump the wearer.
Tempered Glass Dragon scale The wearer is constantly varnished in a thin sheen of clammy sweat.

Footnotes

  1. โ†‘ The gnomic and kobold gizmologists of Quirkytown's "Little Ghetto" district are reputed to be skilled at beer goggle analysis. Potential customers are advised to beware of destructionaires and ignitionists masquerading as gizmologists or apparatists. Refunds are seldom provided.
  2. โ†‘ It must be noted that chaotic enchantments will, by their nature, change over time. A beer goggle's enchantments may more accurately be described as hetero-chrono-chromo-chaotic.
  3. โ†‘ The melting and fusing of several different glasses together in an uneven, chaotic mixture leads the wearer of beer goggles to have blurred vision, impaired depth perception, impaired parallax perception, impaired co-ordination, impaired judgement, and a diminished capacity for the wielding of weapons. They are thus in many ways similar in their effect to most other adventurer equipment choices.
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โœ” Complete article โ€ข โœ’๏ธ Stub โ€ข ๐Ÿ“ท Picture required
Monsters
Lagers Ale-chemist โœ” ๐Ÿป Barbeerian โœ” ๐Ÿป Beer Cubโœ” ๐Ÿป Beer Golem โœ” ๐Ÿป Beer Mugger ๐Ÿ“ท ๐Ÿป Beerburglar โœ” ๐Ÿป Beerkat โœ” ๐Ÿป Beerserker โœ” ๐Ÿป Beerwolf โœ’๏ธ๐Ÿ“ท ๐Ÿป Boartender โœ’๏ธ๐Ÿ“ท ๐Ÿป Brewpid the Reindeer โœ” ๐Ÿป Delirium Tremendous ๐Ÿป Diet Sprite ๐Ÿป Drinkerella โœ” ๐Ÿป Extra Dry Djinn โœ” ๐Ÿป Maรฎtre Demon ๐Ÿป Moonswine ๐Ÿป Red Bull โœ” ๐Ÿป Tea Rex โœ” ๐Ÿป Inncreeper ๐Ÿป Tequila Mockingbird โœ”
Tigers Basement Cat โœ” ๐Ÿฑ Bureau-cat โœ” ๐Ÿฑ Cat Herder ๐Ÿฑ Ceiling Cat โœ’๏ธ ๐Ÿฑ Conga Lion ๐Ÿฑ Crouching Tiger ๐Ÿฑ Dogmatic Cat ๐Ÿฑ Fat Cat ๐Ÿฑ Hell Kitty ๐Ÿฑ Hell's Kitten โœ’๏ธ๐Ÿ“ท ๐Ÿฑ Karate Kitten โœ’๏ธ ๐Ÿฑ Little White Lion ๐Ÿฑ Meowntain Cat ๐Ÿฑ Monorail Cat ๐Ÿฑ Mortal Tomcat โœ’๏ธ๐Ÿ“ท ๐Ÿฑ Neferkitty ๐Ÿฑ Photocopycat ๐Ÿฑ Punk Panther โœ” ๐Ÿฑ Rebel-Lion ๐Ÿฑ Rootkitten ๐Ÿฑ Shoving Leopard ๐Ÿฑ Tiger Lily ๐Ÿฑ Tire Iron Lion โœ’๏ธ ๐Ÿฑ Trans Fat Cat ๐Ÿฑ Weakest Lynx ๐Ÿฑ Wiki Lynx โœ’๏ธ๐Ÿ“ท ๐Ÿฑ Worcestershire Cat
Bears Bear Minimum โœ” ๐Ÿป More coming soon!
Oh My! Adminotaur โœ” ๐Ÿ‹๏ธ Boozerker โœ” ๐Ÿ‹๏ธ Exoskeletor ๐Ÿ‹๏ธ Gastronaut ๐Ÿ‹๏ธ Godbuster ๐Ÿ‹๏ธ Grimelord ๐Ÿ‹๏ธ Scaretaker ๐Ÿ‹๏ธ Thug-of-war ๐Ÿ‹๏ธ Wraptor
Other Articles
Artifacts Bar tab โœ” ๐Ÿป Beer-battered beer โœ” ๐Ÿป Beer-scented soap โœ” ๐Ÿป Bottle of beer from a wall โœ” ๐Ÿป Bottle of domesticated beer โœ” ๐Ÿป Bottle of holy ale ๐Ÿป Can of ambrosia โœ” ๐Ÿป Dungeon brew ๐Ÿป Exclamation pint โœ” ๐Ÿป Fairy ale ๐Ÿป Flask of witch's brewski ๐Ÿป โ€œFree beerโ€ ticket โœ” ๐Ÿป Instant beer tablet โœ” ๐Ÿป Pint of no return ๐Ÿป Portable beer cooler ๐Ÿป Pot of strange brew ๐Ÿป Strange brew ๐Ÿป Vanishing pint ๐Ÿ“ท ๐Ÿป โ€œWish you were beerโ€ postcard
Equipment Ancient cork โœ” ๐Ÿป Awkward paws ๐Ÿป Bear arms ๐Ÿป Beer goggles โœ” ๐Ÿป Cardboard box ๐Ÿป Cocktail umbrella ๐Ÿป Cup of woe ๐Ÿป Eye of the liger ๐Ÿป Eyepatch of the tiger ๐Ÿป Flea collar ๐Ÿป Goblet of fire ๐Ÿป Latex catsuit ๐Ÿป Lion's mane ๐Ÿป Liver warmer ๐Ÿป Milk moustache ๐Ÿป Nekomimi ๐Ÿป Oktobervest ๐Ÿป Old barrel ๐Ÿป Tropical punch
Quests Brew a storm in a teacup ๐Ÿป Deliver some sour gnomish beer to the dark elves ๐Ÿป Find out how to turn a golden brick into a pint of beer ๐Ÿป Sing all of โ€œ99 bottles of beer on the wall!โ€ ๐Ÿป Sit in a tavern and write fake diary entries โœ”
Skills Beer belly โœ’๏ธ๐Ÿ“ท ๐Ÿป Lion belch โœ’๏ธ๐Ÿ“ท ๐Ÿป Sober view โœ’๏ธ๐Ÿ“ท
Taverns All Inn ๐Ÿป The Battle Toad ๐Ÿป Caravanserai ๐Ÿป The Den of Iniquity ๐Ÿป Dunquestin ๐Ÿป The Glass Cannon ๐Ÿป The Mended Drum ๐Ÿป Progress Bar โœ” ๐Ÿป The Rumor Mill ๐Ÿป Shepherdโ€™s Stuff ๐Ÿป Space Bar ๐Ÿป The Sword & Sandal โœ” ๐Ÿป The Whinery โœ”