Beer-battered beer

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Artifacts of Godville
Beer-battered beer
Beer-battered-beer.jpg
Type Normal
Description Beer-battered beer looks very much like this, except not exactly.

Beer-battered beer is a regional specialty from Beerburgh that involves frying beer in batter that itself contains beer. Duh!

This delicacy[1] is naturally the most popular bar snack in all of Godville, as well as one of the most sought-after artifacts.

Origins

The beer-battered beer was modelled, in a slightly tipsy sense, on the much loved deep-fried Mars bar[2],[3]. Desirous of putting their town on the map, the good burghers[4] of Beerburgh[5] were inspired by this feat of culinary battery to organize the first Great Beerburgh Public Batter-off. After their bruises healed, they consulted the dictionary, slowly realized that perhaps the public had misunderstood the concept, and began to think more seriously about giving public workshops on the process of deep-frying.

They then developed the following catechism:

Question 1: What is the most delicious way to prepare a food?
Answer 1: Batter and deep-fry it to death!
Q. 2: What is the tastiest possible batter?
A. 2: Batter that contains beer!
Q. 4: What is the most delicious drink of all?
A. 4: You forgot question 3.
Q. 3: I'm sorry, I have a cold. Start again. What is the most delicious drink of all?
A. 3: Technically this is answer 4 now, but I'll bite. The most delicious drink of all is... beer!!!
Q. 5: So therefore... what is the most delicious way to prepare the most delicious things to eat and drink?
A. 5: *after a very long pause for thought* Batter the beer ... with ... beer batter!!!!
Q. 6: *muffled shouting with clanks of beer steins and much rattling of deep-fryers*
A. 6: *rifling of pantries to locate sources of flour, cooking oil, beer etc.*

Ingredients

Beer-battered beer is now made and served throughout Godville, but the original Beerburgh recipe (a jealously-guarded trade secret) is still considered the best. Despite the industry's vow of secrecy, certain makers have made bold to drop a hint or two. The "Rising Gorge", Beerburgh's foremost gastro-pub, advertises its product like this[6]:

Bière enrobée de pâte à la bière
Naturally, our commitment to culinary excellence starts with the water we use. We source only the finest hydrogen atoms from the lofty mountains of Herolympus and the choicest oxygen atoms from the hot air vents of Egopolis, then add firm yet tender covalent bonds to craft the delicious artisanal water that is the basis of our famous beer. (...) Our list of carefully curated ingredients includes barley from exotic Unspecifiedistan, malt from Dessertown and hops from Quirkytown. How we wrap it all together is our little secret, but let's just say that oil from Bumchester may have a hand in our batter! Enjoy our Bière enrobée de pâte à la bière with a mug of our signature brew, Mise en bière, for the very best Beerburgh has to offer.

A food lover known only as Gastro Gnome claims[7] that the beer-battered beer's amazing taste is due to 11 herbs and spices. These are widely believed to include grated torrent seeds, one-leaf clover leaves, and a single unbroken hair of the dog.

Etiquette

There are heated debates over the best snack to enjoy with beer-battered beer. Purists say that since it's battered, and therefore crunchy on the outside, it functions as its own snack. Others say that since the beery filling is sheathed (enrobé) in a savoury solid, it requires a liquid accompaniment -- which is, of course, beer. Members of these two factions meet regularly to argue about it (over beer).

References

  1. There's nothing actually delicate about it. Maybe it's a crudity.
  2. Seriously, this is a thing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep-fried_Mars_bar
  3. Which was invented, of course, by the Deep-fried Mars Bard (q.v.).
  4. Their attempt to call themselves "Beerburghburghers" was shouted down with derision by the townsfolk, who are heartily sick of puns on their name.
  5. One wag's attempt to create a trademark dish called a "Beerburghburgherburger" resulted in his being run out of town by a mob.
  6. Copied (secretly) from the "Rising Gorge" evening menu, the Old Quarter, Beerburgh.
  7. "But who batters the batterer? A report from the Beerburghian underbelly", in Food Flight Quarterly, Vol. 2, No. 3.
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