Babel fish

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Artifact type: Bold Artifact

The Babel Fish is "probably the oddest thing in the Universe." By putting this small yellow fish into one's ear one can instantly understand anything said in any language. The Babel fish has lead to important profound consequences for the Universe; apart from the philosophical implications, the Babel fish has started more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation. It was also used long ago to prove the existence of Gods. Nothing as remarkably useful as this could possibly exist by chance. A god must have created it. In another land, far, far away from Godville, the people chose to see it as the final proof of the NON-existence of God (they only believed in one god). The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing." "But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves that You exist, and so therefore, by Your own arguments, You don't. QED" "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic. "Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra-crossing. However, the presence of Godville gods were spared from this wave of counterfeit truths by the inability of their heroes to admit that their gods are not real, despite the overwhelming evidence of the gods proving their existence through miracles, getting rid of the doubt that made their being, but somehow still surviving as entities because their heroes have no doubt of their being, but often doubt the lack of doubting they use, while the gods themselves create enough doubts in their ideas to belief-support themselves. The only wars the Babel Fish has ever caused was many minor wars involving heroes who had the fish equipped when drinking Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, resulting in disastrous effects caused by the babbling of the drunk fish interfering with godly commands, such as hero only parties and extracting savings.