Anastacya

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From the darkest part of the cosmos of the living room sofa, Anastacya sprung forth while Chaos was rummaging for spare change. Imbued with the amazing powers of plaid and ass grooves, Anastacya promptly found her flock amongst broke college students who pick up strange couches from the curbside on trash day. Being a goddess of all things related to couches, sofas, love seats, and divans, Anastacya is able to bestow upon her followers a variety of powers; amongst these is always being able to find enough change for a burger, the dubious ability to blend into any living/family room décor, and being able to turn any run-of-the-mill couch into a sleeper bed.

Alignment

Anastacya is Neutral Good.

Followers

As can probably be surmised, Anastacya has a rampant following among interior decorators and people who wrap their sofas in plastic and forbid visitors to sit upon it. Becoming a follower of Anastacya is easy; acolytes simply have to walk into a La-Z-Boy store and swear fealty to the first couch that they find. As a symbol of their loyalty, Anastacya will place a small mark in the shape of a couch on the flesh of the inner wrist. As an acolyte of Anastacya followers are tasked with spreading the gospel according to the goddess. Since many of her believers are couch potatoes, none have (thus far) taken the initiative to compose a Bible of Anastacya's teachings. She is working to find a loyal acolyte with decent grammatical capabilities.

If a believer finds a couch sitting on the curb on trash day, She asks that they recite the Prayer of Trash Day:

Firm and comfy
You've fulfilled your role
Off to the dump
Bless your soul

Powers

Anastacya has the normal godly powers: healing, divine messages, and listening to the prayers of the chosen. In addition, Anastacya can bless deserving acolytes with an Impeccable Sense of Taste and the ability to innately optimize the feng shui of any room. Spells granted to her followers include:

  • Scotchguard
  • Cleanse Animal Barf
  • Supple Leather
  • Mysterious Stain Removal
  • Repair Tear
  • Anti-Scratching Post
  • Coordinating Pattern
  • Sleeper
  • Dander & Fur Elimination