Hello! Oh um, ah, uh.... well. We weren't expecting anyone so soon. We're still under construction. Uh... well. It's only awkward if we make it awkward. There's beer in the fridge if you want any. Please, don't mind the mess...
The mission statement goes here!
A long time ago, a legend lived among us. Well actually, he still does. We’re using the past tense for enhanced ambiance, okay? Just roll with it.
Ahem… a long, looooong time ago, a legend lived among us. He was the most talented hero in all of Godville, but his gift doubled as his greatest curse. This Unnamed Hero would live forever, yes, but in return, he would never stop dying. He lasted mere moments in the realm of the living, able to take a single gasping breath before once again he was struck down by a certain vengeful trolling goddess lurking around every corner, a lightning bolt in her hand.
No sooner was his life started that he was killed. Lost and confused, he roamed the Underworld in search of good beer until an anonymous god took pity on him (but only after laughing at his lifeless body for a few minutes). The god mustered his last 3% of godpower to revive the Hero, dust him off and nudge him along the path to fame. The Hero thanked the god and went along his way, but all was in vain, because as soon as the god turned away, the troll goddess killed him dead. Him and his brand new pet too.
This time, there was less laughter from the anonymous god and his allies. Everyone rallied together, using all the godpower they cared to scrape together, to revive the Hero. He was granted by a particularly humorous goddess a giant ferocious feline as a life protector and companion, but alas, the cat just licked its paw and then ate the Hero, and he died yet again. The troll goddess laughed until her sides hurt while the anonymous god manifested himself into a mortal form to help cut open the belly of the beast and yet again revive the Hero. But… do I even have to say it?
The troll goddess kept smiting, and smiting, and smiting. The anonymous god and his team kept reviving, and reviving, and reviving. And the Hero Who Kept On Dying went on to live and die forever, doomed to roam the far reaches of Godville with a splitting headache. It was on one of his many travels that the heroine Ayano Otsutsuki spotted him, and his constant deaths and revivals, and was inspired. Then and there, she created Akatsuki: "dawn," the perpetual sunrise of life that the Hero Who Kept On Dying was doomed to witness over and over for the rest of eternity.
Oh, and I guess she liked anime a lot too.
Why Join Akatsuki?
We have a very big and extensive guild base. Hot tubs, Arcade rooms, Tennis and Other sports. Bath houses. We also have giant malls and houses, apartments, etc. We even have a giant infinite cobblestone generator. Cause why not. Basically we have everything you could possibly think of want and not even know you needed.
Also we have a hundred different Ichiraku ramen stalls, only for the cheap price of 599.99 coins a bowl!
So come on down and join the Akatsuki now and get a 10% percent discount on mall stores.
Also we have security guards created by our rinnegans so don't even think about peaking in the bath houses.
These gods and goddesses have done their best to work tirelessly for the guild, or just make us laugh. Usually laugh. Bolded names are those lucky ones with a temple!
- Kaguya Otsutsuki: the trolling goddess, founder, and first leader
- Tsuki no Musume: The goddess whose weapons are words, the librarian. (Beware of her text-walling ability! Many reports of head concussion have been submitted from members who were foolish enough to disturb her reading.)
- Fierydragoon: The mighty powerful and handsome, blade of justice.
- UnlovedPoopstain: I know, I know. It's the Poopstain God, who roams Poopainia--and, yes, there is plenty of liquor. Now.. what's in the liquor is a completely different story (hey, man, the location has it's problems). But uh yes. I hope someone far into the future sees this and looks on in amazement, for I once ruled the Guild.