128-bit encryption

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Equipment of Godville
128-bit encryption
Much of artist Picasso's cubist work is believed to have been inspired by a traumatic encounter with a 128-bit encrypted hero in his youth.
Worn 🛡️Shield
Durability +61
Description Somehow, all 128 bits of the hero or heroine are scrambled, making it difficult to hit the right piece.

The 128-bit encryption is a great Shield, but it would be better if you added a VPN and used TOR as well.


It all began when Raja Subramanyan, hero and master practitioner of yoga, began feeling a little, um, naked. Somehow, all of his bits didn't seem to be protected, and every time a claw or weapon swished near them there was an uncomfortable breeze, as if any moment they might be lopped off. It was entirely unsettling.

One day, after a particularly close call involving an ORLY Owl, Raja decided that he had had enough, and sequestered himself on top of the very pinnacle nodule of a rocky promontory to contemplate his predicament. To first calm himself, he proceeded to count his bits to be sure none were missing. Ten fingers... two ears... Several false starts later, and a few attempts that gave completely different answers, Raja determined that he had 128 bits, and none were absent. Especially not the important bits. Reassured, Raja settled into the VPN of his TOR to contemplate a solution.

The clouds rained, the sun shone, and Raja thought. He was slightly too poor to purchase a shield, having recently indulged in a good binge, as heroes are wont to do, but he wasn't certain he actually needed one. The problem wasn't necessarily that the bits needed a layer of protection, after all, he was very good at nimbly avoiding being hit (he had to be, as a new hero with only a fig leaf and some stale bread to his name), but that attackers could identify bits and where to aim. If there was some way to make his bits unidentifiable, he reasoned, that would protect them.

The clouds rained, the sun shone, and still Raja thought. If the bits were in areas they weren't supposed to be, he thought, and appeared to be connected to bits that weren't contiguous, then it would be more difficult to identify and target them. He looked at his hands and tried to remember how to do the magic trick of pulling apart his thumb.

The clouds hailed, the sun blazed, and Raja gritted his teeth while he mastered pulling apart his thumb. Once he had, he grew confident. All he had to do was replicate this trick with 128 bits. As a master of yoga, and so somewhat of an advanced endurance contortionist, this was a reasonable feat for him. He bent himself to his task with a will.

The clouds shone, the sun rained, and Raja departed the VPN of his TOR. As he rejoined the hero-stream of the spiral road, a Worthy Opponent leapt from the bushes with a roar, raising its weaponry for a fatal blow. And paused. And craned its head and squinted. And poked one of Raja's bits gingerly with a claw. When Raja giggled because the poke tickled, the Worthy Opponent whined and fled into the bushes in bewildered distress.

That day, Raja Subramanyan victoriously created the shield 128-bit encryption by making a hash of himself.

Purchasing this Shield

128-bit encryption can still be purchased from an armorer, despite being more of a training regimen than a physical shield, primarily because its originator somehow managed to turn himself into a wandering master and only the armorers know the planned locations of his floating training sessions. Some portion of the "finder's fee" paid to the armorers gets forwarded to Master Subramanyan, but actual percentages remain undisclosed.

Expect to pay at least 12,000 gold coins for this shield.

Armorers are also capable of upgrading this shield, each having developed his or her own machine for providing traction to heroic limbs to improve stretch and flexibility. This process is purported to be very painful, however, so most heroes and heroines prefer divine miracles when it comes to increasing the shield's effectiveness.